By Susan Lager
•
23 Mar, 2024
I have recently had a hard lesson on this subject after having a serious car accident last month. It was a cold day with icy roads and blinding sun as I drove East toward a local park to run Barley, our son's dog. Unfortunately, I dropped my sunglasses and foolishly did a quick dive for them, then ended up in a deep gulley on the side of the road, and hit a tree. The car was demolished, I ended up with 16 broken bones, but luckily, Barley was unscathed! Thankfully, his pre-existing dementia has probably protected him from remembering the event! Here I am, 3 weeks later, after two hospitalizations, fortunately with no permanent injuries, and no needed surgeries. Most importantly, no brain damage, so I'm my usual feisty, engaged and passionate self, able to do my work remotely. The unfortunate part that I've had to accept is being wheelchair - bound for at least 6 weeks, and dependent on my tired husband and sister to be nursemaids to me. Ugh! No usual 20 year old energy, doing this and that each day, running Luca, our dog in local parks when he's not in daycare. No stairs, so no upstairs showers or bedroom amenities like sleeping in a normal bed. No speed at anything now, as the smallest of actions need to be intentional and SLOW to prevent further injuries. (Having to accept and embrace SLOW has been totally foreign for me, like being a 90 year old)! I've had to accept routinely asking for help without shame or guilt, and graciously accept the ways people provide it. My friends, family and neighbors have been amazingly generous with their time, offering meals, dog walks, and various services. And each day I'm miraculously getting stronger with less pain, and more functionality! What I can tell you about Acceptance is that it's multi-pronged: It requires staying present and not going into regrets or "woulda-shoulda coulda''s" It requires the ability to count your blessings and lean into gratitude rather than focus on self pity - (It's amazing I survived this particular wreck! and have been the recipient of so much love and care). It requires the willingness to learn from experiences and see them as sometimes difficult, but valuable tools. It requires self compassion, and being gentle with yourself. It requires patience and perspective. "This too shall pass. Nothing is forever." It requires quieting the possible noise in your head, the toxic narratives you may spin about causality or fate. And for me, it really requires a sense of humor - without laughing too much because that doesn't jive well with broken ribs...... :) Susan