Blog Layout

Stop Right There: Unhealthy Habits to Kick for a Better Personal Life

WebAdmin • Jun 30, 2022
Woman Wrapped With Stop Tape — Portsmouth, N.H — Susan Lager

Image Courtesy of Pexels

Here’s an excellent guest article by Cheryl Conklin from wellnesscentral.info about tools for self nurture and for avoiding negative thoughts and behaviors. These tools are important for everyday life, and even more critical during the pandemic.


Stop. No, really, stop. Those harmful habits of yours are hurting you! Not sure which ones are damaging? Being negative, hanging out with toxic people, getting no exercise, spreading yourself too thin with poor time management, and comparing yourself to others are all habits you should break. Read on to learn more.

Being Negative

Being negative doesn’t necessarily mean being angry or frustrated — those are normal human emotions. It’s how you handle these emotions and the situations in which you feel them that you can work on. Verywell Mind explains that managing negative emotions comes down to embracing the feeling(s), determining why you feel that way, allowing yourself to understand the message your mind is sending, and releasing the feeling(s) to move forward.


The next time you’re feeling negative, whether you’re upset about something or being down on yourself, stop and take a deep breath. Do something that relaxes you, and avoid dwelling on negative thoughts or blowing things out of proportion.

Spending Time With Toxic People

Why do we keep toxic people around? According to Science of People, it comes down to guilt. It could be a friend you’ve had for years or a friend of a friend. This can make it complicated to eliminate that person from your life. It doesn’t have to mean chewing them out and storming away. Instead, create distance by saying no to invites and answering their calls less.


Identifiers of toxic people include manipulation, constant judgment, self-centeredness, and Issues with anger management. The more identifiers a person has, the quicker you should eject them from your life.

Getting Zero Exercise

We all know that exercise is good for you, but do you know how much it makes a difference? The benefits of physical activity include:


  • Reducing the risk of heart and lung disease, high blood pressure, diabetes, cancer, and dementia
  • Helping you lose weight, thereby boosting your self-confidence
  • Improving your mood


Mental health benefits include:


  • Release of mood-boosting brain chemicals like serotonin
  • Release of endorphins
  • Stress, anxiety, and depression reduction


Increasing your exercise can start with daily walks or bike rides. As you begin to increase in intensity, use this guide from the Arthritis Foundation to build the right program for you.

Spreading Yourself Too Thin

You can’t be everywhere at once. It’s a frustrating fact. Spreading yourself thin is unhealthy. One strategy for remedying this issue is to add more structure to your life. Keep a regular routine and set time boundaries — you only go to one (non-obligatory) event per weekend, for example.


Setting boundaries goes hand-in-hand with time management. This is especially important at work. If you’re feeling spread thin, you probably need better time management. When you’re overwhelmed with time-dependent tasks you’re not officially paid for, you should stop and put an accurate price on your time. This can help you see the worth of yourself and your time, giving you the incentive to make changes.

Comparing Yourself to Others

In the age of social media, it’s almost impossible to avoid comparing yourself to others. You may see someone’s post from a local museum and feel bad that you’re “not as cultured.” Compare culture can make you feel lower than low even though you’re awesome. Social Comparison can increase depression, decrease overall wellbeing, and even cause eating disorders due to poor body image.


It’s important to keep everything in perspective. For instance, people almost never post about their failures or insecurities. Their social media is a snapshot of all the positives in their life. To reduce your tendency to compare yourself to others, Tiny Buddha recommends spending less time on social media and redirecting your focus on the things that really matter.


We all have negative tendencies. However, it’s crucial to our mental health to stop these harmful practices. So skip being negative, spending time with toxic people, getting zero exercise, spreading yourself too thin with poor time management, and comparing yourself to others. Instead, create healthier habits that will lead to a healthier life.

By Susan Lager 31 Mar, 2024
This past month has been a whirlwind of initially trauma, then a series of sweet surprises and blessings. Following a serious car accident I've watched my body heal in unimaginable ways, consistent with the assurances of my doctors and nurses. I've learned about resilience, my own, but also other peoples'. My single sister came up to Maine to provide "nursemaid" services for two weeks, and graciously attended to me day and night. Her patience, diligence and compassion even surprised herself. My husband, who is limited physically, has done the same, also hauling my wheelchair in and out of the car, patiently fetching tons of thing I can't reach, and even walking Luca, our naughty dog, in the local park. This is all after "remodeling" our downstairs floor to be wheelchair-friendly, with all the supplies I need accessible - no easy feat! Our son and daughter-in-law have provided fabulous meals, visits, help with buying a new car, and new phones and watches so we can be more accessible. Our two granddaughters have visited and been loving, tender and attentive, surprisingly, at ages three and six! My other sister has provided funding for unlimited takeout meals, as her physical limitations prevent a late Winter visit up to Maine. Friends have provided dog walking, solicitous calls, and car trips to doctors while I'm unable to drive, with a broken right leg. Neighbors have provided the biggest surprises of all: multiple dog walks, pots of soup, ongoing offers of help, and continued concern about my status. I've been blown away by the compassion and generosity around me! These are people I would not previously have defined as "friends", but they sure will be, moving forward! Clients who previously insisted on live sessions, have been flexible and gracious in doing telehealth instead. One couple I've worked with for awhile sent me the largest, most beautiful bouquet of flowers I've ever seen in my life. I've also surprised myself with my resilience, mostly good cheer, adherence to the "Rules of Slow," and allowing others to help me, even asking for help when they can't read my mind. This has been virgin territory for me. So what's the lesson (besides trying to avoid avoidable car accidents)?: - Try not to shortchange either yourself or others with low expectations - see the possibilities. See the good in people. - Cultivate yourself as a Surpriser to others, particularly when they need it. Nurture community. Avoid self absorption. - Learn from adversity and grow. - Don't watch too much news, especially the traumatic stuff! It can distort your experience of life.... - Embrace the surprises that come your way, and let yourself feel deserving.
By Susan Lager 23 Mar, 2024
I have recently had a hard lesson on this subject after having a serious car accident last month. It was a cold day with icy roads and blinding sun as I drove East toward a local park to run Barley, our son's dog. Unfortunately, I dropped my sunglasses and foolishly did a quick dive for them, then ended up in a deep gulley on the side of the road, and hit a tree. The car was demolished, I ended up with 16 broken bones, but luckily, Barley was unscathed! Thankfully, his pre-existing dementia has probably protected him from remembering the event! Here I am, 3 weeks later, after two hospitalizations, fortunately with no permanent injuries, and no needed surgeries. Most importantly, no brain damage, so I'm my usual feisty, engaged and passionate self, able to do my work remotely. The unfortunate part that I've had to accept is being wheelchair - bound for at least 6 weeks, and dependent on my tired husband and sister to be nursemaids to me. Ugh! No usual 20 year old energy, doing this and that each day, running Luca, our dog in local parks when he's not in daycare. No stairs, so no upstairs showers or bedroom amenities like sleeping in a normal bed. No speed at anything now, as the smallest of actions need to be intentional and SLOW to prevent further injuries. (Having to accept and embrace SLOW has been totally foreign for me, like being a 90 year old)! I've had to accept routinely asking for help without shame or guilt, and graciously accept the ways people provide it. My friends, family and neighbors have been amazingly generous with their time, offering meals, dog walks, and various services. And each day I'm miraculously getting stronger with less pain, and more functionality! What I can tell you about Acceptance is that it's multi-pronged: It requires staying present and not going into regrets or "woulda-shoulda coulda''s" It requires the ability to count your blessings and lean into gratitude rather than focus on self pity - (It's amazing I survived this particular wreck! and have been the recipient of so much love and care). It requires the willingness to learn from experiences and see them as sometimes difficult, but valuable tools. It requires self compassion, and being gentle with yourself. It requires patience and perspective. "This too shall pass. Nothing is forever." It requires quieting the possible noise in your head, the toxic narratives you may spin about causality or fate. And for me, it really requires a sense of humor - without laughing too much because that doesn't jive well with broken ribs...... :) Susan
By Susan Lager 15 Jan, 2024
Here’s another piece by Cheryl Conklin about the joys and challenges facing senior couples, something very common in my work. Aging together gracefully requires intentionality around all these issues, in addition to being conscious and collaborative around parenting grown children and grandchildren. I recommend that couples build in check-ins regularly around all these tasks so […] The post Navigate Marriage and Life-building in Your Golden Years: A Comprehensive Guide for Senior Couple appeared first on Susan Lager.
By Susan Lager 03 Jan, 2024
Here’s another very astute piece by Cheryl Conklin of https://wellnesscentral.info addressing an issue which comes up frequently in my work with individuals and couples – how to nourish love at the “halfway” point, how to keep love and pleasure alive long after the original glow has worn off. And, contrary to popular myth that it’s […] The post Finding Each Other Again: Rediscover Love in Mid-Life appeared first on Susan Lager.
By WebAdmin 12 Dec, 2023
Here is an article by the very wise and articulate Cheryl Conklin of Wellness Central, about a subject central to my work as a therapist: stress – what causes it, and how to manage it on various fronts, so it doesn’t manage you. Stress is a normal part of everyday life, especially in today’s world […] The post Stress Decoded: Personalized Strategies for a Calmer You appeared first on Susan Lager.
By Susan Lager 17 Jun, 2023
Hello Reader, Earlier this week I did a BlogTalk Radio podcast about being intentional in your marriage, and in all your close relationships. This episode was about how when we live on purpose everything can change – our pleasure and happiness levels, our experience of connection with a partner and close friends, expectations can be adjusted more realistically, […] The post “The Amazing Impact of Being Intentional in Your Marriage” – don’t miss the podcast! appeared first on Susan Lager.
By WebAdmin 29 May, 2023
“Once again, Cheryl Conklin from WellnessCentral.info has hit the mark with her latest insights about how confidence can be enhanced through specific attitudes and behaviors. (I like to tell my clients that it’s a myth to think that confidence is a born trait, or that you only have it if you were on the right […] The post Boost Your Confidence and Live Life on Your Terms With This Guide appeared first on Susan Lager.
By Susan Lager 15 Mar, 2023
CNN Health: “5 Signs Your Coronavirus Anxiety Has Turned Serious, Threatening Your Mental Health, and What to Do About It” Written by Susan Lager on May 12, 2020. Posted in Acceptance, Anxiety, Attitude, Balance, Change, Comfort, Connection, Courage, Depression, Gratitude, Grieving, Help, Humor, Life’s curveballs, Mindfulness, Perspective, Resilience, Resources, Rituals, Self care, Stress, Tools, Trauma […] The post 5 Signs Your Coronavirus Anxiety Has Turned Serious, Threatening Your Mental Health, and What To Do About It appeared first on Susan Lager.
By Susan Lager 01 Sep, 2022
I was about to post about managing transitions when I saw this post from the Gottman Institute, realizing how relevant it was to my subject. I’m sharing it with you, hoping you benefit from all the wonderful ideas in it. Having fun and being intentional can be a vital part of dealing with transitions. Stay […] The post Shifting Into Fall with Fun! appeared first on Susan Lager.
By Susan Lager 08 Feb, 2022
Awhile ago, I worked with a couple who had this conversation in a session: “You know, sweetie, I decided that paying only $3500. for the bike I want would be a great deal! The electric bikes run about $5000 to $6000 average! We could finance it easily with your excellent credit, or just buy it […] The post Who Controls the Money? appeared first on Susan Lager.
More Posts
Share by: