Finding Each Other Again: Rediscover Love in Mid-Life

Susan Lager • January 3, 2024

Here’s another very astute piece by Cheryl Conklin of https://wellnesscentral.info addressing an issue which comes up frequently in my work with individuals and couples – how to nourish love at the “halfway” point, how to keep love and pleasure alive long after the original glow has worn off.


And, contrary to popular myth that it’s all about the chemistry continuing to work magic or not, as per this article, it’s more about fueling pleasure, closeness, appreciation, discovery and excitement – fueling love which is no longer driven by initial bonding hormones.


And, the good news? With practice and intention, it can be done!


As you and your partner navigate the intricacies of mid-life, it’s important to recognize this phase as an opportunity for growth and revitalization in your relationship. This guide from Susan Lager’s Couplespeak™ Blog provides strategies aimed at uncovering sources of inspiration and positivity, which can significantly deepen the bond you share. Embrace this period as a chance to strengthen your connection and rediscover each other in new, meaningful ways.

Disconnect to Reconnect

In this era of constant digital connectivity, stepping back from technology can be transformative. Consider designating tech-free zones in your home or tech-free hours in your day. Use this time to engage in activities that foster closeness and communication with your partner. Whether it’s revisiting old hobbies or simply sharing thoughts over a cup of coffee, these moments can significantly strengthen your relationship.

Embrace the Joy of Giving Back

Volunteering together can open new avenues for connection and purpose. Engaging in community service not only brings a sense of accomplishment but also helps you and your partner see the world from a broader, more compassionate perspective. This shared experience can bring a fresh sense of inspiration and positivity into your lives. It encourages empathy and understanding, strengthening the bond you share. Through these acts of service, you and your partner can gain a deeper appreciation for each other and the world around you.

Balance Work and Relationship

Creating a harmonious work-life balance is vital. Discuss and respect each other’s work boundaries to ensure that your relationship remains a priority. Regularly setting aside time to focus solely on each other helps maintain a healthy, supportive partnership. This balance allows you to nurture your relationship while still pursuing professional goals. It’s about finding a rhythm that works for both of you, where neither feels neglected nor overwhelmed.

Start a Daily Gratitude Practice

Daily expressions of gratitude can significantly uplift your relationship. Take time each day to share something you appreciate about your partner. This simple practice can transform your perspective, encouraging a more positive outlook on life and strengthening your bond. It’s about acknowledging the small things, the everyday acts of kindness, and the unique qualities that your partner brings to your life. This habit fosters a culture of appreciation and respect in your relationship.

Face Challenges Together

If substance use is impacting your relationship, remember that treatment can be a vital resource. Seeking professional guidance signifies a significant step towards healing and reinforcing your partnership. This journey, though challenging, can bring you closer and encourage a deeper understanding and compassion between you. Finding treatment help available is a courageous decision, demonstrating your commitment to the relationship and overall well-being. This transformative process builds a robust foundation of trust and support, which is essential for a healthy partnership.

Commit to Get Healthy Together

Prioritizing your physical and mental well-being is crucial. Engage in activities that promote health, like exercising or trying new nutritious recipes together. Supporting each other in these goals not only improves individual well-being but also enhances the health of your relationship. These shared activities can become a fun bonding experience, creating more moments of joy and togetherness. It’s about caring for each other’s health as much as you care for your own.

Embrace New Adventures

Exploring new places together can reignite the spark in your relationship. Traveling allows you to create shared memories and experiences, bringing a sense of adventure and excitement to your partnership. These experiences can be a powerful source of inspiration and positivity. Traveling together means stepping out of your comfort zones, learning, and growing together. It’s an opportunity to see each other in a new light and rediscover the qualities that drew you to each other. Your mid-life journey as a couple can be an opportunity for growth and deeper connection. By embracing these strategies, you can navigate this phase with positivity and inspiration. Remember, every step you take together strengthens the bond you share and enriches your shared journey.

A Man and a Woman Are Standing Next to Each Other Holding Yoga Mats — Portsmouth, NH — Lager Susan R
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Surprises

By Susan Lager • March 31, 2024
This past month has been a whirlwind of initially trauma, then a series of sweet surprises and blessings. Following a serious car accident I've watched my body heal in unimaginable ways, consistent with the assurances of my doctors and nurses. I've learned about resilience, my own, but also other peoples'. My single sister came up to Maine to provide "nursemaid" services for two weeks, and graciously attended to me day and night. Her patience, diligence and compassion even surprised herself. My husband, who is limited physically, has done the same, also hauling my wheelchair in and out of the car, patiently fetching tons of thing I can't reach, and even walking Luca, our naughty dog, in the local park. This is all after "remodeling" our downstairs floor to be wheelchair-friendly, with all the supplies I need accessible - no easy feat! Our son and daughter-in-law have provided fabulous meals, visits, help with buying a new car, and new phones and watches so we can be more accessible. Our two granddaughters have visited and been loving, tender and attentive, surprisingly, at ages three and six! My other sister has provided funding for unlimited takeout meals, as her physical limitations prevent a late Winter visit up to Maine. Friends have provided dog walking, solicitous calls, and car trips to doctors while I'm unable to drive, with a broken right leg. Neighbors have provided the biggest surprises of all: multiple dog walks, pots of soup, ongoing offers of help, and continued concern about my status. I've been blown away by the compassion and generosity around me! These are people I would not previously have defined as "friends", but they sure will be, moving forward! Clients who previously insisted on live sessions, have been flexible and gracious in doing telehealth instead. One couple I've worked with for awhile sent me the largest, most beautiful bouquet of flowers I've ever seen in my life. I've also surprised myself with my resilience, mostly good cheer, adherence to the "Rules of Slow," and allowing others to help me, even asking for help when they can't read my mind. This has been virgin territory for me. So what's the lesson (besides trying to avoid avoidable car accidents)?: - Try not to shortchange either yourself or others with low expectations - see the possibilities. See the good in people. - Cultivate yourself as a Surpriser to others, particularly when they need it. Nurture community. Avoid self absorption. - Learn from adversity and grow. - Don't watch too much news, especially the traumatic stuff! It can distort your experience of life.... - Embrace the surprises that come your way, and let yourself feel deserving.