In this thirty minute episode I’ll co-host with Dr. Laura Louis, author of the popular book, “Marital Peace,” which is a valuable resource for supporting couples throughout the challenges of marriage.
Dr. Louis has specialized in helping distant couples heal after infidelity, and in the program discusses some of the ways she recommends rebuilding trust, rekindling intimacy and enhancing communication. Her therapeutic approach has been influenced through trainings in Brazil, Mexico, London and Haiti, as well as hundreds of transformative seminars all over the world.
Don’t miss this vital program if you and your spouse have endured or feel at risk for an affair! Learn some key tools to not only help avoid infidelity, but to restore trust, build forgiveness, and promote growth after an affair. You too can achieve marital peace after this traumatic development.
Call in live with questions or comments at 877-497-9046.
If you can’t make the live show you can listen to the podcast afterward at: www.BlogTalkRadio.com/SusanLager
One way or another, I hope you can join us!
I’m very excited to announce this upcoming BlogTalk Radio episode about Trauma Sensitive Yoga with Lisa Boldin, a graduate of the Kripalu School of Ayurveda, and specialist practitioner in this unique form of Yoga.
In this episode we’ll discuss the unique advantages of Trauma Sensitive Yoga for anyone who is struggling with anxiety, emotional stress, or trauma related to experiences such as sexual assault, military combat, or domestic violence.
Call in toll-free at 877-497-9046 to share comments or ask questions about this Yoga. Or, listen live streaming (or later to the recording) at www.BlogTalkRadio.com/SusanLager where you will learn more about how and why this practice offers unique benefits for coping with PTSD. You won’t want to miss this show!
I’ve been doing Discernment Counseling for several months at this point. (For those of you unfamiliar with the term, it’s a form of treatment specially designed for “mixed agenda” couples, where one person wants to continue the relationship and has hope for improving it, and the other person feels done and is “leaning out,” but hasn’t yet pulled the plug. It’s a one to five session form of treatment geared to help the couple move toward one of three choices: stay in the status quo, or break up, or do the work of reconciliation. It’s a decisional therapy, not regular couples therapy which presumes mutual energy and commitment toward improving the relationship. It is designed to help “couples on the brink” avoid the time, expense and frustration of half-hearted couples therapy). I can tell you right now that it works! I don’t yet have any hard statistics, but in my experience so far I’ve found that this way of working really resonates for couples in this dilemma for the following reasons, among many:
- Both partners tend to feel understood and honored, as nobody is being “sold” the continuation of the relationship. Instead, the three paths are intricately explored, with each partner exploring their own part in the negative history, as well as in possibilities for change of any kind.
- The “leaning out” partner doesn’t feel pursued or pressured to stay in the relationship by the therapist (who often in regular couples therapy would mirror the pursuit of the “leaning in” partner by encouraging strategies for improving things). Instead, they are given space to explore any ambivalence they may have about moving on, as well as space to look at their own contributions to the situation.
- The “leaning in” partner is helped to look at how to bring their best self to the work, and not humiliate themself in the process, as well as exploring their understanding and willingness to address their partner’s concerns.
- Clients report really appreciating the format, where we begin the session by meeting all together, then each is seen individually while the other leaves the room, ending with us all reconvening so partners can share their thoughts and feelings about what they have each gained or taken from their individual sessions. I get regular feedback about how each person feels safer having their own time with me to look at the issues, and what they want to convey to their partner about what they’ve learned.
- I observe a tremendous lessening of defensiveness and commotion without both partners in the room at all times, given free reign to talk at each other. There is very strict protocol for each segment of the sessions. This is not a free-for-all, duplicating the toxic dance the couple has already been doing. It’s a carefully guided exploration.
- So far, this form of treatment has moved most seemingly intractable couples toward a more solid, trusted decision about their future relationship.
I am in the process of pursuing advanced training in this work, so I can envision ironing out some of the kinks which come up, like the time management piece – (there’s lots to cover in a particular sequence each session, something a bit foreign to my more organic way of working). There are also unique dilemmas presented by each couple which require attention and sensitivity. We’re nowhere near perfect, but Discernment Counseling is experienced as a whole different thing by couples on the brink of a split.
For any “mixed agenda” couple interested in getting out of a stalemate around the direction of your relationship, feel free to contact me in my Portsmouth office to further discuss the possibility of doing Discernment Counseling with me. I have some openings at this point, but expect that as we move into the Fall my availability will be much more limited, as it usually is when Summer ends.
If you’ve been wondering if your partner or anyone significant to you has anger problems, then you’ll want to tune into this 45 minute BlogTalk Radio episode: “Why Are You So Angry?” at 8:30 PM EST. I’ll be co-hosting with Meredith Richardson, a collaborative lawyer and conflict coach, and together we’ll be talking about the signs, origins, and motivations for healthy vs. unhealthy anger. We’ll also share some professional tips about how to cool things down when they are getting too heated.
Call toll-free 877-497-9046 to listen to the live show, or to join us on the air with questions or comments. If you can’t make the live show, catch it streaming at your convenience by going to: http://bit.ly/1l3ZL0I
Either way, hope you can join us!
Don’t miss my next BTR episode, “Surviving and Thriving After Trauma With A Partner’s Support” airing tonight, 2/27 8:30 PM EST.
I’ll be co-hosting with Michele Rosenthal, PTSD specialist and author of the critically acclaimed PTSD recovery book, Before The World Intruded.
We’ll be discussing Michele’s personal journey through trauma, and focusing on the strategies she used to help her overcome PTSD. We’ll also be exploring reasonable expectations and appropriate roles for partners in this process.
Call in toll-free 877-497-9046 at 8:30 PM EST to just listen, or to join us on the air with questions or comments.
Hope you can join us!
Tune into this next BlogTalk Radio episode to hear more about my new workbook, and other news you’ll probably find relevant. I’ll announce my upcoming 2013 Spring Webinar Series, and more radio shows to come.
Listen to the show live streaming at: The Couplespeak Relationship Forum or call in toll-free at: 877-497-9046 to join me live on the air with questions or comments. (It’s a short show, so you’ll have to talk fast).
Hope you join me!
Anything is possible! I’ve just published my new little workbook,
“I’m Talking! Are You Listening? Fix Communication Problems With Your Partner In No Time Flat! An Original Couplespeak™ Workbook
It’s now available for purchase on the CreateSpace (a division of Amazon) eStore, and also available directly through Amazon, and other retailers, libraries, etc.
Who would have thought that I’d actually follow through and do this with all the levels of hassle, complications and time involved! My point to you readers is that if I can do this, SO CAN YOU do anything you set your mind to! Set your goal. Connect with your motivation. Line up your daily actions with that goal and motivation. Give yourself some breaks. Find support. Get feedback, and move forward!!
If you’d like to learn how to talk so your partner will listen, and how to listen so your partner will talk, this workbook is for you. It provides you with simple steps to accomplish this, and exercises to help you set the stage for success. And by the way, it doesn’t only apply in marriage or long-term partnerships. It also applies for any key relationships you have where productive conversation can get snagged. If you have a co-worker or a friend or relative you’d like to communicate better with, then this book will be a great tool!
Below is a copy of the eStore page describing the book. You can purchase it directly by going to my CreateSpace eStore below or directly on Amazon.com
“I’m Talking! Are You Listening?”
Fix Communication Problems With Your
Partner In No Time Flat!
– An Original Couplespeak™ Workbook
Authored by Susan Lager LICSW
A seasoned couples therapist and relationship coach shares her secrets, step by step, for better communication with all the people who matter.
8.5″ x 8.5″ (21.59 x 21.59 cm)
ISBN-13: 978-1469918846 (CreateSpace assigned)
Don’t miss my Blogtalk Radio show tonight at 8:30 PM! I’ll be discussing the six critical factors to evaluate when looking at how healthy or viable a relationship may be, and how people often delude themselves, thinking love alone will get them through. Here’s news for you: love is not enough!!!!
Call in toll-free at 877-497-9046 to be able to join me live on the air with questions or comments or stories. I welcome all of it!
If you can’t make the live show, simply catch the recording at: www.BlogTalkRadio.com/SusanLager
One can’t escape the incredible news about Casey Anthony clearly looking like she’s gotten away with murder. People everywhere are outraged, disenchanted with the American legal system, and also sadly feeling cynicism and resignation about the lack of fairness and justice in the world. Murderers get set free, while Willie Nelson gets probable jail time for possession of 3 ounces of marijuana. The world is upside down! Spouses who lie and cheat fare no worse in court than spouses who have been loyal and true. Life-long, diligent employees get muscled out of companies to make room for cheaper “twenty somethings” with questionable skills. Parents abuse their kids verbally and often physically without consequences. Drunk drivers slaughter innocent victims en route to work or a family picnic. What does one do to avoid pessimism and utter despair??
It’s really a matter of where you put your attention. Focus instead, each day on all the goodness, generosity, kindness, and love in your everyday life. Connect with the toll-taker, the clerk, the server, the mechanic, the teller, the boss, the neighbor, the friend, the co-worker. Be intentional about finding innocence, decency, good will, courage, humor, creativity, humility, compassion, and joy in all the people you encounter. You will find an abundance of all those things if you just look for them. Then, even with all its injustice and cruelty, the world will feel like a safer, happier home to you.
PS. Tune in to my next BlogTalk Radio show, “Communication Problems Gone With Simple Five-Minute Fixes” on Wednesday, July 13th at 9PM. Call in live to participate in the discussion at toll-free 877-497-9046.
We’ve all been glued to our TVs, watching with horror the unfolding tragedy in Japan in the aftermath of their most powerful earthquake ever. As I write this, I dread finding out about the death toll, the human suffering, and the likelihood of a nuclear meltdown at the Fukushima power plant. Some of the aftershocks of the earthquake have also been huge with as yet an unknown toll on life and the Japanese landscape, and infrastructure.
I’ve been thinking about the dread and anxiety related to aftershocks, as a kind of re-traumatization. It’s reminded me about “aftershocks” in marriage and partnerships, and how an initial traumatizing event tends to reverberate in a way which can be entirely overwhelming, as I imagine the aftershocks are for the Japanese now. (I’m aware that a life or death catastrophic event is, in many ways incomparable in the degree of suffering to an event which is emotionally traumatic). The concept of “aftershock”, however, is familiar to anyone who’s spouse has had an affair, leaving a residual breach of trust, and “reverberations” in the way of new information about the marital history, which contradict history as it has been known. My work with couples who are wrestling with some emotionally devastating event, often centers on these “aftershocks” and how they jar the landscape of a marriage.
For anyone who is trying to repair the damage caused by some emotional or trust breach, my hope is that you appreciate the devastating impact of these “aftershocks”, and that you don’t rush to closure for your own purposes.
With much sadness,