Here is a post I just received and got permission to reprint from Cindy Giovagnoli, a wise old soul, world traveller, photographer, artist and writer. See what you think:
Our lives are not “on hold”
Oooooh, do I have a doozy of a conversation to have with you today!
Not everyone’s going to like this, but I think you’ll get it.
Sooooo…
There is a single phrase that keeps popping up in conversations with friends and clients, and I keep seeing it written as part of social media posts and in emails from people and companies I follow.
And it’s a big fat ugly lie that I want to address head on.
The phrase?
That our lives are “on hold” during this pandemic.
Which, of course, they absolutely are not.
I know what you’re going to say, and yes, a lot of plans and projects and ideas are indeed on hold.
But plans and projects and ideas are not our lives.
They are part of our story, of course, but not its entirety.
Not even a little bit.
Every day the minutes and hours continue to tick away.
There is no “pause” button happening right now. No one yelled “freeze!” and the world stopped on its axis.
Ask any human who has suffered the unthinkable and they will tell you that there is no such thing.
The world marches on. The seasons change. The days pass whether we agree that that is the fair thing or not.
Our lives are never, ever “on hold” no matter how much we might beg for a time-out to catch our breaths.
But here’s the thing.
That is okay.
I’m not saying that it always feels okay, because it sure as shit doesn’t.
But it IS okay.
On a long enough timeline, everything is okay one way or another.
And here’s another thing. It’s the thing I really want you to take away from what I’m saying today.
You still have agency in your life unless you choose to relinquish it.
You have choices about how you spend each one of those minutes, hours, days- they are not “on hold.”
You always have and it’s as true now as it ever was.
Some choices have been taken off the table without our consent and we don’t like that.
Nobody does.
Of course we don’t like that.
But there are still plenty of choices left there for us.
Feel whatever you feel— don’t shove your feelings away or pretend they don’t exist.
AND ALSO make conscious choices about what you do.
Those things are not mutually exclusive.
We can take ownership of our actions.
We can take ownership of our choices.
We do not have to relinquish the agency we have over our lives.
There is a lot in this world I cannot control.
The truth is that there always has been. ALWAYS.
I choose to stay empowered.
I choose to decide how I want to spend my minutes and my hours and my days.
Sometimes those choices will look “productive” and sometimes they won’t.
Sometimes those choices will be to engage with people or tasks that “distract” me from other things I want.
But the choices are mine to make and I will strive to make ones that best serve the life I want for myself.
I’m sharing this beautifully written blogpost with you from Cindy Giovagnoli about expanding our definitions of “productivity.” This is a subject I find personally and professionally very relevant, and one that I think you may too, so I’m delighted that she gave me permission to reprint it here to share with you, my readers.
Cindy is a gifted photographer, artist, writer, podcaster, website developer, adventurer and nature lover whom I did a podcast with a few years ago about “Noticing.” She’s a funny, honest, wise old soul whose thoughts and ideas can be found at: StayCurious@CindyGiovagnoli.com.
Enjoy! Susan
A few days ago, I took Chili Dog over to my favorite local running trails so that he and I could both stretch our legs and breathe in some wild air away from the sounds of cars and people and busy-ness.
It was drizzly and a little raw (Seattle winter, anyone?), but I actually love the woods in that weather- it feels extra quiet and mysterious and there tends to be fewer people on the trails.
As Chili and I began, I ran through my mental list of things “to do” while I was out there. I wanted to brainstorm a writing project and some website tweaks I’m making behind the scenes. I wanted to think about possible applications for some advice I’d heard on a podcast episode. Think through the structure of a class I’ll be offering locally in 2020.
I pulled up the “notes” app on my phone, ready to jot down what came to me. As I was looking down at my screen, a bigleaf maple leaf fell from the tree above me and landed across my phone.
How’s that for a sign from the universe?
As I peeled the enormous damp leaf from my phone, I realized that I’d fallen into a mindset trap that can sneak up on us without our noticing: the idea that “being productive” is the highest value on our time. It was a Tuesday in the middle of the day- didn’t I have to justify my hours in the woods with some kind of work product?
There are two big problems with that idea:
(1) It defines “productive” as relating solely to work product, to tangible, measurable outcomes related to how I make my living. That’s a pretty narrow definition.
What about how I do my living? As in, the quality of my life? Of my days? They’re numbered, after all. Such is the reality of mortality.
So why wouldn’t my definition of “productive” include things that bring health, wellness, wonder, awe, peace, or simple joy to my days?
It should.
Walking in the woods, reading a novel, meeting a friend for great conversation over coffee, sketching in my journal, taking in an exhibit…even binge-watching Netflix in the right circumstances- these can all qualify as “productive” tasks when we broaden the definition to include the things that make our lives richer and more enjoyable.
(2) If we’ve decided that being “productive” (even in it’s broadened definition) is the absolute highest value we can place on our time, we’ve disregarded the power of blank space in our lives. And blank space is where a lot of magic happens.
Part of what led me to a “to do” list of brainstorming ideas while on a walk in the woods is the fact that I often have breakthroughs and game-changing ideas when I’m out on such an excursion.
But.
The reason that those breakthroughs and ideas happen is usually due to the fact that I’ve allowed my mind free time. I’ve allowed boredom and daydreaming and for my thoughts to wander where they will at random.
It’s amazing what can pop up when we allow our brains to do their own thing for a bit. It’s why so many ideas land on people while they’re in the shower.
Connections are made. Problems are solved. Ideas take shape.
But there’s no way to force this. There’s no way to prompt it.
We simply have to leave some blank space and then see what happens.
Sometimes that space will result in ideas or breakthroughs and sometimes it won’t. You never know.
At worst, we end up with a brain that got a bit of rest. Not such a bad deal, really.
So I invite you to broaden your definition of “productive” to include the things that add richness and meaning and joy to your life, regardless of whether they have a measurable outcome that makes money or not. And also to allow for some blank space for boredom and daydreaming and letting your mind wander at will.
I’d like to hear what that looks like for you, so hit reply and tell me- how do you define productive and where do you find some space in your days?
Stay curious out there!
P.S. I’m a little late this week, but I’ll be going live in The Curiosity Cabinet tomorrow at 12 noon EST. I hope you’ll join me for 10-15 minutes of talking a bit about embracing these ideas of re-defined productivity and the value of empty space in our lives!
In this half hour episode I explore the issues involved with being either a clueless spouse / partner, or one who has healthy, loving partnership skills. This episode taps into emotional intelligence, how highly you would rate yourself when examining your attitudes, knowledge and practices in your primary relationship, and identifying areas where you may need to improve to avoid misery, and to create more satisfaction for you and your partner / spouse. Tune in and take the 20 question test to get a better read on how the experts might score you, also to get a better sense of where you might be headed for avoidable trouble!
To join the conversation live with questions or comments call toll-free 877-497-9046. If you can’t make the live show you can hear the recording anytime afterward at: www.BlogTalkRadio.com/SusanLager
However you tune in, you won’t want to miss this episode! You’ll learn about relationship skills and practices essential to happiness and trust!
My husband and I recently went to beautiful Portugal for a long awaited vacation. We rented a car, and drove all around the country, excluding the far northern Douro region, so we’d have sufficient time to really see places. I can’t say enough about what this does, not only for one’s joy and learning levels, but also for a marriage.
Getting away from your everyday routines and responsibilities allows you to reset an appreciation level, not only for other people and places, but also for each other. A self-guided road trip is especially useful in ramping up teamwork and trust. In our case, I was the Navigator, and my husband Thom was the Fearless Driver, negotiating hairpin turns on sky-high mountain roads, and well marked highways with signs somehow not illuminated at night! I guided us through ancient towns with tiny cobblestoned streets barely big enough to fit a car, (let alone two!), while Thom plowed forward in our tiny Citroen.
We sampled wines, cheeses, and exotic fish dishes we’d never experienced before. We had to be a well oiled machine, hauling our overloaded suitcases up dark staircases in remote Air B&B’s. We walked through orchards and vineyards, went to dinner in medieval towns late at night, and toured ancient castles and cities on foot for hours and hours, (something I’d usually love, but an act of generosity by Thom, who’s not so crazy about walking all day and night). Together, we had to communicate with the Portuguese, many of whom don’t speak other languages clearly. We had to negotiate where to go, and what to forego, given our time constraints.
We returned home with a much greater appreciation for the sensual European way of life, but also thankful for American conveniences, and vastly more thankful for each other!
If you haven’t gotten away in awhile together, either to an exotic place like Portugal for a vacation, or to somewhere in your home state for a weekend, I’d recommend that you begin doing it again whenever you can. Your marriage will thank you for it!
Don’t miss this 30 minute episode where I’ll be sharing tips from my book “Become Relationship Smart Without a Lifetime of Therapy” about the key role of curiosity as a connector in all meaningful relationships, especially in marriage. For people not familiar with this concept, I’ll reveal some key conversation openers demonstrating curiosity and interest in a partner, facilitating empathy, sharing and feeling “seen,” a shot in the arm especially for marriages suffering from boredom or disconnection.
To join the live conversation with questions or comments call toll-free 877-497-9046 at 8:30 PM EST. If you can’t make the live show you can listen to the recording afterward at: www.BlogTalkRadio.com/SusanLager
I am a licensed, board certified pyschotherapist and relationship coach in Portsmouth, New Hampshire. Through my psychotherapy or coaching services, I can provide you with
skills and tools to transform your life.
