Couplespeak™ Blog

Giving Up

Hello Reader,

I’ve met with a number of very stressed clients and colleagues this past week, many of whom share a similar complaint — that the path they’re on just feels too hard and unrelenting. We all get discouraged at times, with whatever journey we’re on, and it can be a simultaneously bleak and relieving thought to “just give up”.  Then I heard something very compelling said by one of the nominated CNN “heroes”, (a breed unto themselves, a model of integrity and compassion for us all). When asked if he ever felt like giving up his difficult mission, he said “Of course! I give up once a week, then I get back to work, when I’ve gotten the despair out of my system.”

What a great attitude– legitimize your frustration, designate some time for it, then pick yourself up, and get back to work! I actually used it on myself today. Yesterday, I had multiple frustrations with insurance companies, (the bane of my existence), hassles with technology, and scheduling glitches, so I “gave up!” Today I had several clients who needed to be seen and I wanted to see, amidst an entire day of drilling, paving and exhaust fumes coming from the repaving of the entire rear parking lot. Not to mention the frigid temperature in my office coming through the still broken window (the one a kid hurled a rock through last week), and continued needed preparations for the Thanksgiving weekend with family, amidst my wish to have everything sparkling, and lovely. I had the “I give up!” thought on my way home, then paused, and remembered that I did that yesterday, so it wasn’t an option to go there today, that if I really needed to, I could “give up” next week when my “turn” came up again. It was very soothing, and containing and ridiculously funny all at once! Try it, and see what you think!

Good night, good luck, and Happy Thanksgiving!
Susan Lager

The Power Of Attitude

Hello Reader,

There’s a little story about three bricklayers I’ll share with you:

Three bricklayers were toiling away together, in the hot sun. An old man came by, noticing the work in progress. He asked the first bricklayer, who seemed quite downtrodden, what he was doing. “I’m laying bricks, can’t you see that?!” the worker barked. The old man then asked the same question of the second bricklayer. “I’m building a wall, of course”, sighed the worker with resignation. The old man then turned to the third bricklayer, asking him the same question. “Why Sir, I’m building a beautiful cathedral which will soon grace us all!”, the worker beamed, full of pride.

What’s the point, you ask?  Think about it, when you’re investing time and energy doing difficult things for the sake of your marriage or partnership. Think small and “lay bricks”, or think big and “build a cathedral”. Then notice your attitude, energy level, and success or failure. It may surprise you!

Have a great day,
Susan Lager

PS. Check out my new website offering a series of free reports about relationship issues: How To Be A Better Couple

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Susan Lager

I am a licensed, board certified pyschotherapist and relationship coach in Portsmouth, New Hampshire. Through my psychotherapy or coaching services, I can provide you with skills and tools to transform your life.

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