Couplespeak™ Blog

Understanding Women– Be Curious!!!!

Good Evening Reader,

I was on a supermarket line and happened to overhear two jocks complaining about how they were always clueless about what went on in their girlfriends’ brains, that females must be an alien species, and that trying to understand them was futile! It took all my self control to not put in my professional 2¢, so I forced myself to be quiet, but loudly had these thoughts:

1. It’s not rocket science to understand women, it just takes some study.

2. Don’t presume you know what your lady wants/needs. ASK!!

3. Stop going to the default position of Rescue and Fix. It’s well intended, but is often misplaced.

4. Be curious, ask questions, show interest in her heart and her mind.

5. If she’s unclear about something, listen deeply for the encoded message by observing her body language and her tone.

It may take time, guys, be patient and respectful, and it will become clear sooner or later.

Good night, and Good luck!

P.S. I will be offering more detailed information about this subject on my upcoming website at

P.S.S. Check out my recently published article about relationship dilemmas at: “How Do I Get My Partner Back?” A Therapist’s Reflection on the Question, and the Road Through Grief

“How Do I Talk to My Husband?”

Hello Reader,

Have you ever wondered if you were talking to someone from another planet when trying to get through to your spouse? It’s all too familiar in my own marriage, and loudly present in my work with couples. During a couples session today I watched the wife struggle with this question, and the subject was mild, like: what to do with the kids this summer. The husband sighed and looked out the window, apparently the way he usually does when she wants to discuss “an issue”. He felt she had just ambushed him again, as she had done in the original attempt at home. My assessment? There was no “header” and no “buy-in”! Partners often don’t preface a conversation with “I’d like to talk about _____” (header), and they often don’t follow it up with “Do you have a minute?” (buy-in). They just start talking, often about something loaded, and expect full attention and participation, even if their beloved is 25 feet up nailing shingles to the roof. If you too are a guilty party, try having a conversation “by agreement” and see if you get better results, like what to do with the kids this summer, so you can have some time to yourselves!

Susan Lager

P.S. Check out my newly published article “How Do I Get My Partner Back?” A Therapist’s Reflection on the Question and the Road Through Grief.

Click on the link: “How Do I Get My Partner Back?” A Therapist’s Reflection on the Question, and the Road Through Grief

A New Day, A New Adventure

Hello again, reader,

As I move forward with this new project of bringing my ideas and knowledge about relationships to the internet, it’s like going on a Great Adventure to a foreign place! It is like any huge change– exciting, scary, uncertain, with lots of possibilities…

Think about any big changes you are making, and recognize that they will involve a “what, am I crazy?” feeling which may take over and derail you. Like me, you need to reconnect with your purpose, establish visible markers of the change process, celebrate them, and KEEP GOING!!! If you are part of a couple changing together, talk about it, and cheer each other on.

If you see value in the change, you’ll get there. Be patient. (I’m trying to)…..

Susan Lager

P.S. Look for me on my soon to go live website for more resources on improving your relationship.

Welcome to My Blog!

Hello Everyone,

This is the first entry in my new blog, where I will be sharing my thoughts, ideas, and knowledge about couples issues. I have been in private practice as a psychotherapist specializing in couples work in Portsmouth, New Hampshire, for many years, and it’s been quite a ride!

The work is amazing, but the constant sitting gets a bit much, so I am launching the next phase of my business — online services and products for anyone interested in having better, close relationships. I know you have lots of questions and concerns, so I’ll be here to help!

Tune in…..
Susan Lager

P.S. Keep an eye out for my articles, special reports, exercises, and Ebooks.

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Susan Lager

I am a licensed, board certified pyschotherapist and relationship coach in Portsmouth, New Hampshire. Through my psychotherapy or coaching services, I can provide you with skills and tools to transform your life.

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