Couplespeak™ Blog

How Do You Manage Conflict?

The most prevalent problem I deal with in my work as a psychotherapist with individuals and couples is the issue of how people talk to each other when they’re trying to manage conflict. And “conflict” isn’t always about big ticket items, like how to handle a kid’s bad behavior, or who is spending how much money. Conflict can be about who forgot to feed the dog or who did a lousy job declining an invitation to a party. It can be about anything where there’s an experience of difference or disappointment or hurt or aggravation or frustration. (The list goes on and on). So, if you notice a fair amount of escalation or reactivity or avoidance or defensiveness or criticism in your marriage you may need some help. You’ll want to first understand how the tactics you and your spouse use may be destructive and why. You’ll also want to know how these behaviors can become part of a toxic pattern which may put you at a higher risk for divorce. Most importantly, you’ll want some tools for how to deal with conflict in more mature, constructive and respectful ways so the two of you don’t become a nasty statistic.

For a quick primer on all of this I’d recommend that you listen to my latest podcast on BlogTalk Radio about this subject. In just 30 minutes I condense the subject sufficiently so you’ll be better equipped in this department. After that, it just takes practice, practice, practice, like anything else that matters in life.

Here’s the link to the podcast:

*If you need some help with this issue because you either get too distracted or overwhelmed or discouraged on your own, then contact me for an appointment at my Portsmouth office at 603-431-7131

Don’t Forget to Vote For Me in the Marriage and Relationships Blogs Awards!

A reminder that my blog has been nominated again to be recognized, now in this competition by      StartDating.DK, a Dutch online dating resource. So far, I have 66% of the votes, but not by many votes! If you enjoy this blog, learn some stuff here about how to manage yourself in your  relationships,     and want more people to find me and also get tools for better relationships then VOTE for me by clicking on the link below:

Thanks for your support!

Susan Lager

Don’t Miss My Next 30 Minute BTR Podcast on 3/6/19 at 8:30 PM EST!: “4 Communication Styles That Can Ruin Your Marriage and How To Fix Them”


On Wednesday, March 6th at 8:30 PM EST I’ll be airing this 30 minute podcast about a vital issue you and your spouse need to know about – the 4 biggest communication violations around conflict, their dire effect on marriages, and how, with some do-able attitude and behavioral adjustments you can avoid their negative cascade of effects often leading to divorce.

Don’t become another statistic! Learn to behave better in your marriage, even when you’re angry, disappointed, or anxious, and need to let your spouse know about that. Become aware of the ways you can either communicate in an offensive or respectful manner, especially when you’re upset.

To join into the conversation live with questions or comments call into the studio at 877-497-9046 and dial “1” on your phone. I’d love to have you part of a conversation!



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Susan Lager

I am a licensed, board certified pyschotherapist and relationship coach in Portsmouth, New Hampshire. Through my psychotherapy or coaching services, I can provide you with skills and tools to transform your life.

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