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Persistence – Some Signs Indicating Whether It’s Working For Or Against You

30 Minute BTR Podcast 6/20 8:30 PM EST: “Are You Addicted to Your Cell Phone? Take the Test and Make Changes If Needed”


Don’t miss my next 30 minute BlogTalk Radio episode on Wednesday, June 20th at 8:30 PM EST:

“Are You Addicted to Your Cell Phone? Take the Test and Make Changes if Needed.”

(If you’re glued to your cell phone 24/7 then this episode is for you)!

Join me live with questions or comments by calling into the studio at 877-497-9046     Or stream the podcast at your convenience at: www.BlogTalkRadio.com/SusanLager


I hope you can join me for this information-packed episode!

How to Raise Your Self Esteem

If more people in the world liked and valued themselves sufficiently I don’t think we’d experience nearly as much hatred, violence and division. I think couples would be happier, relying less on the magical powers of each other to “fill the tanks.” I think we’d all be more balanced and present, without the need for so much “mindfulness” training. I think we’d all get to the end of our lives with a greater sense of meaning and fulfillment, having loved ourselves and ultimately each other more fully.

So, if you landed in a family which didn’t mirror you properly with wonder, acceptance and love, but instead either ignored, neglected or abused you, how do you develop self esteem? (Many people I’ve known think that if you weren’t on the “right line” at the “right time” you’re screwed)!

The contradicting good news is that self esteem is something that can be cultivated through practiced thought, action and attitude, rather than only possible through an ideal childhood. The wisest, most comprehensive article I’ve read about this issue was by Carthage Buckley, a performance coach and prolific writer whom I had the privilege of doing a podcast with last year about building a problem-solving mindset on my BlogTalk Radio show, The Couplespeak Relationship Forum.  I’ve attached his article about raising self esteem through 7 exercises. Read it. Now. You’ll be happy you did.

7 Simple exercises to raise your self-esteem

It’s All About The Ball!

 
When it comes to how we live our lives, ask any dog, especially Tucker above, and they’ll show you that we’ve got our priorities all wrong – sideways, so to speak.
 
Tucker is my morning pal, the next door neighbor’s dog, and my big, handsome blonde Teacher of All Things, Big and Small. We run around and walk the trails behind my house every morning, Tucker attached like cement to his green ball. When I’m tired or cranky he reminds me that “it’s all about The Ball, get over it!” When it’s buggy or muggy or rainy like today, we both get bitten and soggy, but the Ball Game has to go on! A little rainfall won’t kill anyone. So what if there are some inconveniences?
 
Tucker has taught me not to make such a big deal of piles of snow, the early hour after a late night, muddy boots and trampled garden beds. He reminds me of the importance of promises, some predictability, and mostly the importance of being present in connection and having FUN in life. He helps me see that Quickbooks and emails can wait, calls can be returned later, but for a guy with only about 5 more years to live, the time is NOW for The Ball!
 
If you don’t have a Tucker in your life like I do, trust me that you’ll live longer and happier if you listen to and practice his “words” of wisdom: It’s all about The Ball!
 
If you’re on your own and need help getting your priorities straight, feel free to contact me – I’d be glad to help!
 
Susan Lager
603-431-7131

Avoidance and Denial – Not the Best Problem-Solving Strategies!


So, here’s a pretty gruesome picture of my poor thumb almost severed. Before you vomit or faint, please read on, so you can avoid creating a similar mess. (This is less of a story about blood and pain and more about how it happened).

My husband and I live in a lovely 40 year old home which has needed some window work for about the last 15 years. The windows are beautiful, all wooden framed and large, but all are what’s called “guillotine” windows. Guillotines used to be used for chopping off people’s heads, mostly during the French Revolution. When you’re referring to a window that way it unfortunately functions in the same manner  – if you don’t hold onto the top window while opening the bottom one, whatever is underneath gets chopped off, in this case almost my whole thumb, as per the nasty picture above. Fortunately, I got to the ER in time for the docs to sew the laceration back together, and now, three weeks later it’s all in one piece again.

The moral of this little story, however, is that my husband and I used avoidance and denial about the window problem for many years rather than doing our research and finding out if, in fact, they all needed to be replaced (to the tune of about $30,000.) or if we could have them repaired (cost: $3000. and one intact thumb). We just pretended the problem wasn’t really one, as we routinely positioned blocks of wood to keep windows open, or hammered top windows shut. It felt like one of those totally un-fun expenses, like getting a new septic tank or a new well, so we avoided it. The irony is that I pulled this little stunt at the beginning of the evening of my husband’s birthday, so we “celebrated” him in the ER this year.

If you too have any issues which you’ve been coping with through avoidance and denial, it might be time to ask yourself what the ultimate price may be for your “problem solving” strategy. How might you be victimizing yourself in the long run? Who else might be negatively effected if you keep pretending the problem isn’t really such a big deal? Might you be making a mountain out of a mole hill the way we did? Do you too have any body parts which might ultimately be compromised if you keep putting things off?

Think about it, and figure out some real solution to the problem…

Humbly,

Susan                                                                                                

Don’t miss my next 20 minute BlogTalk Radio podcast Wed. 4/18/18 8:30 PM EST: “What’s in Your Personal Minefield?”

If you’re like most people, chances are that you’ve had your share of triggering events, where you suddenly experience intense feelings which seem to come out of nowhere. You may or may not understand what stimulated your reaction, but probably have just had one of the “mines” in your personal “minefield” detonated!

In this twenty minute episode I reveal the issues around our “minefields” – areas of vulnerability created by past experiences and relationships. The podcast will help you learn to identify the nature of your “mines,” how to manage yourself more effectively around them, and how to best bring your spouse or partner into the loop of empathy and responsiveness around those triggers.

Call toll-free 877-497-9046 to hear the podcast live and be able to join in with questions or comments. Or, you can stream the episode live from BlogTalk Radio.

If you can’t make the live episode you can listen to the recording anytime afterward at www.BlogTalkRadio.com/SusanLager or go to my website www.SusanLager.com and listen from the Webplayer at the bottom of the home page. One way or the other, you won’t want to miss this vital podcast!

5 Tools for Building Positive Traction in Marriage

 

Don’t miss my next podcast on Wednesday, 2/28/18 at 8:30 PM EST: “Facing Divorce? How a Divorce Coach Could Make All the Difference!”

In this 45 minute podcast I’ll meet with Lisa McNally, a mother of three who has 20+ years of experience working with divorcing individuals, couples and families in all aspects of family law matters including divorce, separation, child custody, co-parenting and parental rights.

Lisa is also a co-author of the Amazon best selling book Divorce: Taking the High Road: Simple Strategies for Creating a Healthy Divorce

As a Divorce Coach, Lisa supports and guides individuals experiencing divorce one-on-one, helping them navigate the often lengthy, stressful and convoluted process in a dignified way. Her clients benefit by having her by their side to help them make the best possible decisions for themselves and their children based on their unique interests, needs, concerns, and goals. 

Tune into the podcast and learn:

– What Divorce Coaching is

– How it works

– The benefits to clients (support, guidance, cost savings, better outcomes, etc.)

– The benefits to attorneys

– How To Pursue it

Don’t miss this vital podcast! You can call in live with questions or comments at 877-497-9046 at 8:30 PM EST or listen to the recording at your convenience at: www.BlogTalkRadio.com/SusanLager

One way or another, I hope you can tune in!

Best,

Susan

PS. If you’re on the fence about staying married and need help to make a confident decision about a direction for your marriage, you may be a candidate for Discernment Counseling. It’s a form of brief treatment designed for couples on the brink. I am the only clinician in New Hampshire certified to do this delicate work, and would be glad to discuss the possibility of setting up an initial appointment with you. Call my office voicemail at 603-431-7131 or email me at: [email protected]

 

 

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Susan Lager

I am a licensed, board certified pyschotherapist and relationship coach in Portsmouth, New Hampshire. Through my psychotherapy or coaching services, I can provide you with skills and tools to transform your life.

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