Kayaking As a Bonding Tool For Couples

WebAdmin • April 18, 2012
Couples in Kayaks — Portsmouth, NH — Lager Susan R

My husband and I have been kayaking for about fifteen years, long before it became a “cool” thing to do. It started as a family activity with our son, and now that we’re (sort of) “empty nesters”, it continues to be the miracle cure for all that ails us as a couple. You can see from the picture on the left that it seems to have the same effect on that couple!


We began this season last Sunday on a pristine pond in York, Maine. We were both facing grueling work weeks, taxes, piles of Spring chores, calls to be returned, bills to be paid, dishes, laundry, and enough other stuff to make us bark at each other all morning. Then, after less than two minutes on the water, all was bliss. We were smiling, “cloud painting,” taking pictures of turtles, and joyfully paddling around the pond.


I’ve come to the conclusion that kayaking is the perfect antidote to stress, and the perfect bonding tool for couples, singles, or groups. You’re totally in the moment of the movement through the water, the breeze on your skin, negotiating the in’s and out’s of the shoreline, and watching the wildlife (we once had a moose swim right in front of our boats!). I prefer solo kayaks, because they allow you each to do your own thing when you want to, then be together when you want that. It’s the perfect balance of independence and connection. Getting there requires the collaborative effort of putting the boats onto your car carrier and tying them down, then taking them off and launching, then putting them back up again. Often you bring a snack or picnic lunch. In warmer weather you can swim or just float around. If you’re a high adrenaline couple, you can savor the thrills of white water together. (I’ve enjoyed that too, though not exactly “relaxing.”)


No, I’m not a rep for a kayak company. I’m telling you this because kayaking is one kind of “high energy fun,” and fun is vital for couples to experience together for bonding. It’s also the kind of “in the moment” activity vital for all of us, coupled or not, to have in our “refueling” repertoires.


So, if you’re near water, try it! If boating isn’t your thing, do something else which brings you pleasure, and takes you away from all the busy stressors in your life.


Cheers and Happy Spring!

Susan Lager


PS. My new “CoupleSchool Fast-Track Program” is now available for sale on the “Products” page of this website at: http://wp.me/P1ayQF-d6

Couple embraces at the beach, heads touching. Ocean in background, overcast sky.

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This past month has been a whirlwind of initially trauma, then a series of sweet surprises and blessings. Following a serious car accident I've watched my body heal in unimaginable ways, consistent with the assurances of my doctors and nurses. I've learned about resilience, my own, but also other peoples'. My single sister came up to Maine to provide "nursemaid" services for two weeks, and graciously attended to me day and night. Her patience, diligence and compassion even surprised herself. My husband, who is limited physically, has done the same, also hauling my wheelchair in and out of the car, patiently fetching tons of thing I can't reach, and even walking Luca, our naughty dog, in the local park. This is all after "remodeling" our downstairs floor to be wheelchair-friendly, with all the supplies I need accessible - no easy feat! Our son and daughter-in-law have provided fabulous meals, visits, help with buying a new car, and new phones and watches so we can be more accessible. Our two granddaughters have visited and been loving, tender and attentive, surprisingly, at ages three and six! My other sister has provided funding for unlimited takeout meals, as her physical limitations prevent a late Winter visit up to Maine. Friends have provided dog walking, solicitous calls, and car trips to doctors while I'm unable to drive, with a broken right leg. Neighbors have provided the biggest surprises of all: multiple dog walks, pots of soup, ongoing offers of help, and continued concern about my status. I've been blown away by the compassion and generosity around me! These are people I would not previously have defined as "friends", but they sure will be, moving forward! Clients who previously insisted on live sessions, have been flexible and gracious in doing telehealth instead. One couple I've worked with for awhile sent me the largest, most beautiful bouquet of flowers I've ever seen in my life. I've also surprised myself with my resilience, mostly good cheer, adherence to the "Rules of Slow," and allowing others to help me, even asking for help when they can't read my mind. This has been virgin territory for me. So what's the lesson (besides trying to avoid avoidable car accidents)?: - Try not to shortchange either yourself or others with low expectations - see the possibilities. See the good in people. - Cultivate yourself as a Surpriser to others, particularly when they need it. Nurture community. Avoid self absorption. - Learn from adversity and grow. - Don't watch too much news, especially the traumatic stuff! It can distort your experience of life.... - Embrace the surprises that come your way, and let yourself feel deserving.