Marriage and Bad Hair Days

Greetings Reader,

Do you remember one of those days when everything that could go wrong, did?  It happens to the best of us, and when it unfolds it feels like a sick dominoes game. My husband had one today, and couldn’t stop talking about all the gory details. Then when he was done, he seemed just ducky, and sat down to watch the news (about other people’s bad day). Clients of mine often do that, and then seem to feel some catharsis when they’ve drawn me in as witness to the misery. However, I’m less likely to make the mistake of offering some chirpy spin on the story as a therapist, than I am as a spouse. In an effort to provide support or show empathy to our husbands or wives, I think we often give unsolicited advice, opinions or solutions. Husbands are usually the biggest culprits here, having been trained by the culture to “fix” things. We all need to LISTEN more, and ATTEND to our partner’s experience! They’ll usually tell us if they need anything else, or they’ll just go on with the story…

Good night and good luck,

Susan Lager
P.S.  Check out my recently published articles about couples issues at:

About Susan Lager

ABOUT ME Susan Lager, LICSW, BCD I grew up in New Rochelle, a suburb of NYC, lived in Manhattan for ten years during college and graduate school, and escaped the madness for the wilds of Maine to be with Thom, the sweet man I'm still married to after 34 years. (We have an awesome 29 year old son named Alec who will run the free world someday). I knew I'd survive the relocation from New York when I discovered the scenic, historic little city of Portsmouth, on the coast of New Hampshire, with its winding streets, great restaurants, and music everywhere. I was especially thrilled to attend the Portsmouth Psychotherapy Institute, an offshoot of the B.I.P., where I did post-graduate training, and then went into private practice creating The Couples Center PLLC, doing psychotherapy, with individuals, couples and groups. In 2010 I opened a division of the practice called COUPLESPEAK™, providing live and online coaching, training programs, workshops, and written materials for people in different kinds of partnerships. I'm still passionate about the work, which is NEVER boring! My clients are courageous pioneers, and they've taught me lots I'll pass on......
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