How We Manage Hurt Feelings

Hello Reader,

I’ve been stewing about something someone close to me said a few days ago.  It was something not  intended to hurt me, but it did, maybe because there was some painful truth to it.  None of us like having our shortcomings noticed and reflected back at us with glaring clarity. In my case I couldn’t help but notice my reaction of self-protective withdrawal, even though I knew it would be more productive and mature to talk it over with this person. I found myself feeling bruised and unworthy, and having more impulses to let go of the relationship. I started rationalizing this scenario, talking myself into a cocoon which no hurt or disappointment could penetrate. Then I had a flashback to a loving moment with this person, and realized I’d be “throwing the baby out with the bathwater”, that there were other options for managing my hurt which didn’t require me to go into exile. We all have choices about how we manage our hurts. A useful first line of action often involves some sort of engagement, rather than a disconnect, unless the Hurter acts maliciously or repetitively. If we can get our egos out of the way, there’s usually some possibility for us to learn and grow from the event, and often for the relationship to be stronger for weathering the storm.

Staying on course,

Susan Lager

About Susan Lager

ABOUT ME Susan Lager, LICSW, BCD I grew up in New Rochelle, a suburb of NYC, lived in Manhattan for ten years during college and graduate school, and escaped the madness for the wilds of Maine to be with Thom, the sweet man I'm still married to after 34 years. (We have an awesome 29 year old son named Alec who will run the free world someday). I knew I'd survive the relocation from New York when I discovered the scenic, historic little city of Portsmouth, on the coast of New Hampshire, with its winding streets, great restaurants, and music everywhere. I was especially thrilled to attend the Portsmouth Psychotherapy Institute, an offshoot of the B.I.P., where I did post-graduate training, and then went into private practice creating The Couples Center PLLC, doing psychotherapy, with individuals, couples and groups. In 2010 I opened a division of the practice called COUPLESPEAK™, providing live and online coaching, training programs, workshops, and written materials for people in different kinds of partnerships. I'm still passionate about the work, which is NEVER boring! My clients are courageous pioneers, and they've taught me lots I'll pass on......
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