Couplespeak™ Blog

Speed Gardening and the Revenge of the Sandcherry

Hello Reader,

Some things in life should not be rushed. Picture this: 8:00 A.M. today after a rare ample night’s sleep, I go online to “quickly” pay some bills, looking forward to a full workout in my lovely, cool gym downstairs. It’s already pushing 80 degrees outside, and I’m drenched in sweat. Much to my chagrin, I discover my account balance is very short, and I figure out that in a rush, I’ve mistakenly paid some bills twice in two days, didn’t note it, and then had amnesia about the whole thing. (So much for one hour of “efficiency”). Then, when I realize my son Alec is going for a bike ride, and I’ll have to wait for his help, I furiously wrangle our Sandcherry bush into its new spot next to the shed by myself. I’m shoveling dirt with lightening speed, making time for the gym “me time” when in my haste, I poke myself in the eye with one of the branches. Now, with one bum eye I finally make my way to the gym where I  have all of twenty minutes left for the workout. I dress and leave for work, and see three clients completely out of focus, because the eye is irritated and demanding attention. I maneuver my way into an emergency appointment with my opthomologist with the one “leisurely hour break” already scheduled. The good news is that it’s just a Corneal abrasion, and I’m going to live. The bad news is that I never did get to see how that damned Sandcherry must have looked so perfect in its new home!

All in good time,
Susan Lager

P.S. Check out my newly published article about an intimacy ritual to be a closer couple at:

Slowing Down

Good crack of dawn, Reader,

Now here’s a topic close to my heart! When is enough, ENOUGH?  

I am the queen of overfunctioning, thus we’re having these heart-to-hearts often in the wee hours of the morning when reasonable people are sleeping. Even my nocturnal sister says I’m a vampire. What I know for sure is that it can be challenging to set limits, and remember that tomorrow is another day. In my case it relates to enthusiasm and excitement about new projects or ideas, and boundless energy.  For some people, however, it may relate to anxiety, perfectionism, or serious manic states. If you have difficulty stopping, you may need to explore whether there is a physiologic disorder, or psychological issue causing the behavior.

Women, who are so famous for multitasking, are often juggling too many balls in the air, trying to accomplish too much in one day. There’s also often secondary gain involved, as people around them may capitalize on having a Whirling Dervish in their midst. It may let them off the hook from dreary tasks.

One thing I have learned is to work at consciously doing LESS in any 24 hours– to leave more time to get places, to plan less errands, and to lop off some of my daily “to do” list on the front end. Ultimately, there’s greater satisfaction in Less done well.

Susan Lager

P.S. Stay tuned for my upcoming website chock full of ideas, articles, Ebooks and more.

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Susan Lager

I am a licensed, board certified pyschotherapist and relationship coach in Portsmouth, New Hampshire. Through my psychotherapy or coaching services, I can provide you with skills and tools to transform your life.

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