Couplespeak™ Blog

Gone Fishing

I’m a very regimented person. I get up at the same time each day, do the morning teeth and face cleanse, make a cup of coffee, balance my accounts, pay some bills, answer my voicemail, check my email, do some dishes, dead-head the garden flowers, make my lunch, do a workout, watch the news, eat the same breakfast, take a shower, get dressed, drive to my office, see some clients, return more voicemails, grab the same lunch, see more clients, answer more voicemails, schmooze with colleagues, drive home, make some calls, change clothes, go for a garden walk, have some dinner with my husband / son, watch more news, do some writing, do some reading, and go to bed. Then it all starts and ends the same way the next day until the weekend when it’s a different, slightly more exotic routine.

I’m also very governed by “shoulds” like, “I should keep appointments”, “I should work out six days a week”, “I should be more patient”, “I should always be learning”, “I should write in my blog”, “I should write another article”, “I should finish my book”, “I should finish my membership site”, “I should finalize my trademark”, I should prepare for my radio show”, “I should get my finances ready for the accountant and Quickbooks”, “I should go to more plays and concerts”, “I should answer my Facebook messages”, “I should volunteer”, “I should go back to Italy”, “I should lose twenty pounds”, “I should be a better friend, sister, mother, and wife”, “I should exfoliate more often”, “I should talk more slowly”, “I should stretch daily”, “I should clean the refrigerator”.  (On and on, and on, and on…..) It’s a wonder I’m not depressed!  It’s also a wonder that for the first time in six months, and after thirteen radio shows I’ve produced and hosted, that I decided to forego the June 29th “Communication Problems” episode, reschedule it to July 13th, and put up a sign saying, “Gone Fishing”!!!!!!!! So if any of this “good girl” routine sounds familiar to you, remember that sometimes, for some of us, goofing off is, (as Martha would say), “a very good thing!”

I should go to bed,
Susan Lager

Break Free From Anxiety? How?!!!!

Hello Reader,

Many people here in the Northeast are getting severe “cabin fever” with all the arctic weather we’ve been having. There are now also new things to worry about, like: Have you shoveled your roof, so you won’t get “ice dams”, and risk a collapse? Have you insulated your pipes so they don’t freeze and burst? Have you become a couch potato, bursting out of your “fat” clothes? Have you left your pet enough water, so it doesn’t die of thirst when outside? Have you de-iced your walkways, so you don’t break your neck going for your “healthy power walk”? Have you moisturized your skin, so you don’t look like you’re ninety when you’re 45? Is your ionizer working, so you don’t die of black mold? (etc.)…

How can we possibly stay calm and relaxed? With Mind-Body tools to beat stress! For a primer on the subject, go to my BlogTalk Radio show, The Couplespeak Relationship Forum, episode: “Chill Out! Easy Mind-Body Tools To Beat Stress”, with expert Katherine Frick at 9PM EST: 877-497-9046 (toll-free).

If you’re too STRESSED, and can’t be live on the call, then get into your pajamas, grab a glass of wine (if you’re not an alcoholic), curl up in your favorite chair, and listen to the recorded show through the BlogTalk Radio button at the bottom right side of this blog.

Easy going,
Susan Lager

Shelling Peanuts–A Lost Pastime?

Hi Reader,

This title wasn’t just a random thought. There have been a few images which lodged in my brain, making me think about what is getting lost living in the fast lane, as most of us do.  My husband Thom and I were floating around in our boat near a sandbar today on our favorite lake in New Hampshire.  It was boiling hot out, so we’d read or talk a bit, then take a dip in the lake, pick blueberries, watch the ripples in the water, and repeat the whole sequence for most of the afternoon.  At one point, a smiling, elderly gentleman floated by on a dinghy, arms and legs hanging out, aimlessly headed nowhere in particular, obviously having a grand old time, entirely “in the moment”. It was a “shelling peanuts” (on a porch), kind of day. Sadly, I think this kind of energy and attitude, slow and languorous, gets squelched in our busy lives, and something precious to our selves and our relationships gets lost. I encourage clients, (and myself) to be more intentional about preserving this kind of tempo as sacred to our sense of well-being, our connection to the world, and to our partners. And by the way, who got the crazy idea to bring peanuts to us already shelled?

Goodnight,
Susan Lager

P.S. Any day now, my new website HowToBeABetterCouple.com will be live AND functional, with Free Reports you’ll find useful! Then will come E-books, and many more tools to help you have happier partnerships.

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About
Susan Lager

I am a licensed, board certified pyschotherapist and relationship coach in Portsmouth, New Hampshire. Through my psychotherapy or coaching services, I can provide you with skills and tools to transform your life.

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