Couplespeak™ Blog

Marital Issues– A Perspective

Good Morning Reader,

Here I am bright and perky at 8:00 A.M. for a change, instead of talking to you in the wee hours of the morning (1:00 or 2:00 or 3:00 A.M.!) We had a birthday party for my husband yesterday and actually had the common sense to retire early enough to get a decent night’s sleep. That happens for me in those rare moments when I feel I’ve done all I can do in a day, and feel totally satisfied with the results. On birthdays in my family we treat the birthday “boy” or “girl” with not only presents, but delicious meals and gracious “slave services” all day. We make that person the center of attention, and the object of reverence, and our kindness all day. The point is to let them know we are thankful they were born and now are here in our lives. It’s actually not a chore, it’s a joyful discipline to focus on the positives, and not THE ISSUES you may have with them. After each birthday I wonder why I don’t do this much more often with all the people I love, especially my spouse? My last blog entry was about gratitude, this one is about how you express it with words and deeds. There would be many less Marital Issues if we all acted like every day was our spouse’s birthday! Try it, it feels great!

Happy day,
Susan Lager

Understanding Women– Be Curious!!!!

Good Evening Reader,

I was on a supermarket line and happened to overhear two jocks complaining about how they were always clueless about what went on in their girlfriends’ brains, that females must be an alien species, and that trying to understand them was futile! It took all my self control to not put in my professional 2¢, so I forced myself to be quiet, but loudly had these thoughts:

1. It’s not rocket science to understand women, it just takes some study.

2. Don’t presume you know what your lady wants/needs. ASK!!

3. Stop going to the default position of Rescue and Fix. It’s well intended, but is often misplaced.

4. Be curious, ask questions, show interest in her heart and her mind.

5. If she’s unclear about something, listen deeply for the encoded message by observing her body language and her tone.

It may take time, guys, be patient and respectful, and it will become clear sooner or later.

Good night, and Good luck!

P.S. I will be offering more detailed information about this subject on my upcoming website at www.HowToBeABetterCouple.com

P.S.S. Check out my recently published article about relationship dilemmas at: “How Do I Get My Partner Back?” A Therapist’s Reflection on the Question, and the Road Through Grief

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About
Susan Lager

I am a licensed, board certified pyschotherapist and relationship coach in Portsmouth, New Hampshire. Through my psychotherapy or coaching services, I can provide you with skills and tools to transform your life.

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