Couplespeak™ Blog

“Marital Peace After An Affair” – BlogTalk Radio Show Wed. 7/27/16 8:30 PM EDT

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In this thirty minute episode I’ll co-host with Dr. Laura Louis, author of the popular book, “Marital Peace,” which is a valuable resource for supporting couples throughout the challenges of marriage.

Dr. Louis has specialized in helping distant couples heal after infidelity, and in the program discusses some of the ways she recommends rebuilding trust, rekindling intimacy and enhancing communication. Her therapeutic approach has been influenced through trainings in Brazil, Mexico, London and Haiti, as well as hundreds of transformative seminars all over the world.

Don’t miss this vital program if you and your spouse have endured or feel at risk for an affair! Learn some key tools to not only help avoid infidelity, but to restore trust, build forgiveness, and promote growth after an affair. You too can achieve marital peace after this traumatic development.

Call in live with questions or comments at 877-497-9046.

If you can’t make the live show you can listen to the podcast afterward at: www.BlogTalkRadio.com/SusanLager

One way or another, I hope you can join us!

“How Curiosity Can Save Your Marriage” BlogTalk Radio show Wed. 6/8/ 8:30 PM

Don’t miss this 30 minute episode where I’ll be sharing tips from my book “Become Relationship Smart Without a Lifetime of Therapy” about the key role of curiosity as a connector in all meaningful relationships, especially in marriage. For people not familiar with this concept, I’ll reveal some key conversation openers demonstrating curiosity and interest in a partner, facilitating empathy, sharing and feeling “seen,” a shot in the arm especially for marriages suffering from boredom or disconnection.

To join the live conversation with questions or comments call toll-free 877-497-9046 at 8:30 PM EST. If you can’t make the live show you can listen to the recording afterward at: www.BlogTalkRadio.com/SusanLager

One way or another I hope you can join me!

Meeting on the Mountain

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Most couples who’ve graduated into a king-size bed fully understand the ups and downs about the change. Gone are the days when the two of you naturally fell into the canyon in the middle created by your joint weight, cozily cuddling. Instead, you’ve probably permanently moved into your own canyons on the far sides of the mattress, keenly aware that king-size beds create a “mountain” in the middle, unless you’ve made a conscious attempt to share the middle “we” space, or have sex four times a day. If you live in a hot climate it makes it more pronounced – who needs to cuddle when bodily contact warmth isn’t a necessity for comfort? The up side is that you probably enjoy the ability to fully stretch out without worrying about unwittingly shoving your elbow in your partner’s nose. Ah, space… But there are costs to your new found independence: Disconnection! Less intimacy! Waning pillow talk! So, in the spirit of avoiding all these forms of alienation, I say, “be deliberate about meeting on the mountain!”

Here are three ways the rendezvous on the summit can help a relationship:

  1. If you do it together or take turns, you’re practicing compromise and collaboration in the name of closeness.
  2. You’re being intentional as a couple about maintaining intimacy and connection.
  3. You’re practicing the delicate balance between the “Me” and the “We,” so key to close relationships.

So, think of “Meeting on the Mountain” as a perfect metaphor for what you need to do in many areas of your partnership, only this time with a giant mattress underneath you.

 

Overfamiliarity

Are you in a relationship which seems to have mysteriously lost its magic? Has the experience of mystery and romance dissolved into thin air without an obvious reason?

If you’ve thought “Yes! Yes!” then you and your spouse or partner may be guilty of too much familiarity, and too many liberties taken with each other by allowing boundaries to get too squishy. Here are some examples of this you may have seen creeping into your partnership:

  • Going to the bathroom with the door open, allowing your partner the charming pleasure of hearing and smelling the result
  • Passing gas without any attempt to be private about it
  • Talking about every minuscule detail of your day, however boring
  • Continuous contact through texts, calls or emails
  • Sharing every detail of your fantasies, regardless of consequences
  • Revealing all the gory aspects of your deepest insecurities or areas of poor self-esteem

These are only a few illustrations of how partners mistakenly think that total openness without privacy will promote more closeness and comfort.

Esther Perel, author of the bestselling book “Mating In Captivity” makes the clearest case for how intentional space is necessary for eroticism, excitement and ironically, intimacy. She talks about how total democracy, lockstep teamwork and lack of space have eroded modern partnerships. Couples used to spend longer spans of time courting, longing, missing each other, having less symbiotic “togetherness,” and as a result, often experienced the critical tension the space provided for more romance and excitement.

So, if this issue of overfamiliarity seems to have seeped into your relationship, take a look at how together you may have allowed too many boundaries to have broken down, notice the effect, and explore how you can re-install some mystery and privacy – (NOT secrecy), but space in the name of closeness.

Low Sex Drive in Women – What You Need to Know if You’re Over 40

REMINDER!  Countdown to my next BlogTalk Radio episode on 4/22/15 8:30 PM EDT.  Don’t miss this 45 minute episode if you’re over 40 and couldn’t care less if you ever have sex again. Don’t miss this episode if your husband is pressuring you to take some initiative sexually, and you feel resentful, tired, or blasé.

Find out the myths and the truths about a common issue nobody wants to talk about. Join me and my co-host, Dr. Terri Vanderlinde, an OB- GYN in private practice in Dover, NH.  Get out of the dark with some needed information and some TOOLS!

Call toll-free 877-497-9046 to join us live on the air to just listen or to share your questions or comments. If you can’t make the live show catch the recording at: www.BlogTalkRadio.com/SusanLager

Blog Talk Radio Host

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Susan Lager

I am a licensed, board certified pyschotherapist and relationship coach in Portsmouth, New Hampshire. Through my psychotherapy or coaching services, I can provide you with skills and tools to transform your life.

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