Couplespeak™ Blog

Having A Good Summer With Or Without A Partner

I’ve been away from this blog for a few weeks because I generally don’t relish being indoors, sitting on my butt and writing when the weather is glorious outside. So, I’m sitting on my butt, outside, in my breezeway, talking to all of you.

I’m hosting another BlogTalk Radio episode on Wednesday, June 26th at 8:30 PM EST dealing with this issue: how you can strike a balance between your “to do” list, have fun, enjoy the weather, nurture your relationships, and nurture yourself. (It hurts my head just thinking about it!)

Here in New England people often experience Summertime Blues because the season is so short before the blizzards come, and the balance feels impossible. I try to dedicate the rainy month of June to cleaning out the garden beds, reseeding lawns, cleaning and putting in screens and air conditioners, bringing down summer clothing from the attic, cleaning and pulling out the kayaks, getting our boat ready for the water, pulling out all the beach toys, finishing up any pressing paperwork, and generally going CRAZY if the weather is lovely and not rainy! I can tell you one thing right away: you have to pick and choose, you won’t get to it all expertly, so chill out! It’s summer! Have some FUN, dammit!

If you’d like to join me on the air on the 26th, call in toll-free at 877-497-9046 and share any ideas you may have for not having a meltdown, but having balance instead, now that it’s summer.

Cheers,
Susan Lager

Sisterly Love

I’m just returning from a whirlwind weekend in NYC with my little sister, Laura. We went to galleries, an amazing museum, tooled all around the city window shopping, people watching, eating ethnic food, and yakked till 5 AM each night the way only sisters who love each other can. Of course, I couldn’t resist the urge to coach her on ways to improve her life, and her relationship with herself. She in return nurtured me with 5 star hotel type service and thoughtfulness. What a joy it is for me to have sisters (I have two) whom I love and enjoy!

If you’re lucky enough to have a sister or two of your own, remember they’ll always be there with and for you, if you allow them to, so count your blessings and treasure them!

Getaways And Your Sanity

At this writing, I’m on a C & J express bus to my old stomping ground, New York City, for a weekend with my little sister. I’m a strong believer in short getaways as a way of refueling, particularly if the getaway gets you away from your spouse for awhile. That may sound cold, but sometimes a little space has a big positive impact on a marriage. How, you ask?

1. You reconnect with separate friends and relatives on your own without worrying about the mix with a spouse who may not share your enthusiasm for jewelry shopping, lattes, and schmoozing.

2. You re-experience your individual selves which brought you two together. My husband will probably be doing yard work till midnight, watching the news for hours each morning, eating no vegetables except for vodka (made from potatoes), puttering around his workshop, answering no calls, and fondling his new camera he’s afraid of using. He’ll be in Introvert Heaven. I’ll be tooling around the city with my baby sister, bossing her around, buying makeup and doodads, going to museums if it rains, people watching, yakking with strangers, and eating every ethnic thing in sight. I’ll be in Extrovert Heaven.

3. You break up the sometimes oppressive routine of your life with more consciousness. In my case, I was amazed to see how many vitamins and creams and solutions and meds I take on any given day just to go on living! I could barely fit it all in my suitcase! I like to think of myself as robust and traveling lightly on this Earth. Apparently, not so….

4. You appreciate all the comforts of home in a renewed way. I don’t usually get excited about having a level, stable surface to type on, but today, with the bus jiggling and swaying, I’m realizing how special it is to have tables and desks to put my laptop on, and not worry it will go flying off into the yonder. Small things…..

5. Absence makes the heart grow fonder. Because I’m a bit morbid and fatalistic, I don’t presume I’ll make a safe return from ANYWHERE, so I kissed my husband goodbye four times, and hugged him as though I was leaving for a tour of duty in Afghanistan. And now that the bus is approaching the slums of the city limits, I miss him already….. 😐

Happy weekend,
Susan Lager

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Gone Fishing (Again!)

I’m a very regimented person. I get up at the same time each day, do the morning teeth and face cleanse, make a cup of coffee, balance my accounts, pay some bills, answer my voicemail, check my email, do some dishes, dead-head the garden flowers, make my lunch, do a workout, watch the news, eat the same breakfast, take a shower, get dressed, drive to my office, see some clients, return more voicemails, grab the same lunch, see more clients, answer more voicemails, schmooze with colleagues, drive home, make some calls, change clothes, go for a garden walk, have some dinner with my husband, watch more news, watch a TV episode, do some writing, do some reading, and go to bed. Then it all starts and ends the same way the next day until the weekend when it’s a different, slightly more exotic routine.

I’m also very governed by “shoulds” like, “I should keep appointments”, “I should work out six days a week”, “I should be more patient”, “I should always be learning”, “I should write in my blog”, “I should write another article”, “I should work on my next book”, “I should finish my membership site”, I should prepare for my radio show”, “I should get my finances ready for the accountant and Quickbooks”, “I should go to more plays and concerts”, “I should answer my Facebook messages”, “I should volunteer”, “I should go back to Italy”, “I should lose twenty pounds”, “I should be a better friend, sister, mother, and wife”, “I should exfoliate more often”, “I should talk more slowly”, “I should stretch daily”, “I should clean the refrigerator”.  (On and on, and on, and on…..) It’s a wonder I’m not depressed!

So, I’ve challenged all my “shoulds,” and given myself a break from blogging, writing, etc. to be outside this Spring “enjoying” hauling mulch, spreading stones, raking, planting and painting. (Ain’t life grand!) I’ve once again put up a sign saying, “Gone Fishing”!!!!!!!!

If any of this “good girl” routine sounds familiar to you, remember that sometimes, for some of us, “goofing off” and “breaking the rules” is a good thing.

I should go to bed,
Susan Lager

My Sisters

I’ve just spent two weekends, each with one of my wonderful, wacky sisters. Unfortunately, we couldn’t coordinate the visits to Maine so we’d all be together, yakking into the wee hours of the morning, tooling around the coast, sharing secrets, boating, walking, recreational eating, shopping, cooking, jewelry hunting, clothes swapping, laughing and more yakking.

Maybe it’s the aging process, but as we all get older there’s an increased sense of tenderness, compassion, and acceptance of each other, as well as a deeper appreciation of our bond. We no longer take each other for granted. We know full well what a blessing it is to have loving family. If you too are fortunate enough to have sisters (or brothers, for that matter), I hope you too cherish them.

“My sisters and I, friends are we, Best of friends we’ll always be”

Author: Unknown

Cheers,

Susan Lager

Blog Talk Radio Host

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Susan Lager

I am a licensed, board certified pyschotherapist and relationship coach in Portsmouth, New Hampshire. Through my psychotherapy or coaching services, I can provide you with skills and tools to transform your life.

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