How’s this for a unique couples retreat?
Hopefully, those of you in committed relationships had a lovely Valentine’s Day, filled with sweets and loving exchanges with your special someone.
But now that the one day marking affection and love has gone by, it’s time to really dig in and explore all the daily ways you and your partner show and tell love for each other. This inevitably involves developing effective ways to manage conflict, when the rose-colored glasses come off, as you become a more seasoned couple.
Join the dynamic mediator and conflict coach Meredith Richardson, and me for a special Couples Retreat at the lovely Victoria Inn for an experiential weekend designed to build better connection, communication and reduced conflict.
We’ll have this cozy inn all to ourselves for this special event, Friday, May 16th through Sunday morning, May 18th, 2014.
For more information about registering: Call Meredith Richardson 207-439-4267 or email: [email protected]
As a couples therapist I routinely talk to my clients about the ambiguous road ahead of them in working on repairing and enriching their relationships. The work is generally fraught with uncertainty and likely setbacks, as is the case with most hard earned changes. This discussion always involves the issue of what each partner needs to “stay in the game,” or what would they minimally require of themselves and each other to maintain hope, energy and good faith in the process.
What each of us needs to “stay in the game” applies to any endeavor which doesn’t produce immediate lovely results. Last week, after three years of often grueling work, I received my official documentation awarding me the trademark for the name “Couplespeak.” I had invented the name for a division of my company which would provide coaching products and services live and online. Getting the trademark with proprietorial rights to the name required me to write books, articles, eBooks, develop workshops, training programs, blogs, videos, a BlogTalk Radio program, and to manage multiple internet platforms.
Mind you, all the while I’ve had a full time private psychotherapy practice, and started with very little interest in the internet and tech devices three years ago. But I loved the name “Couplespeak,” and believed that if I could live long enough I could grow it into something really significant. The whole process required that to finish, I stay in the game, the Couplespeak game. I had to devise ways of making myself accountable, and maintaining my passion for the project. I had to enlist the support of my friends and family. I had to learn when to take breaks and when to force myself back into the effort. Just as anyone requires in any big, meaningful project, I needed to keep up my faith in myself, and my faith in the work itself. And now, just as anyone would, I’ll need to allow this “finish” to become the remarkable start of something else, a new game…..
PS. For copies of my new books about staying sane in the relationship game, go to Amazon: http://amzn.to/12ALenB
I’m in the home stretch for the completion of my second book, “Become Relationship Smart Without A Lifetime Of Therapy.”
I think I now understand first hand what the dilemma is for so many people about finishing a project! When you’re involved in a project which is meaningful to you it’s like getting married. You make a supposed commitment to do your best and hang in there “in sickness and in health.” You often do it publicly, like having a wedding. You tell your friends and family about it, and they become invested as well, so if you bag it, it’s similar to the humiliation of a divorce – you feel like a failure who’s let everyone down. Or worse, people don’t take you seriously after that around your passions and projects.
Is the solution to just not try to accomplish too much to avoid all this aggravation? No, I think it’s a better idea to closely monitor your negative self talk and your possible self sabotaging behaviors, then remind yourself why you bothered with the project to begin with, to reinforce your motivation to get to the finish line. I’m going to do just that with the book. Not think about it too much, and plow forward, reminding myself why I’ve bothered. When you see the book posted on Amazon.com you’ll know I made it to the finish line. If and when you read the book, you too will know why I bothered.
For all of you hopeless romantics out there who think that love conquers all, I have news for you – it’s a delusion! Love is not enough!!
If you’ve been in a relationship where you excuse various kinds of chronic disrespectful, unkind or unfair behaviors, “because deep down I know he (she) loves me,” then I would recommend that you stop and examine a few critical things very closely.
For a limited time, I’ll be offering one hour phone consultations to be used in conjunction with my latest original article, “Love Is Not Enough.” We’ll explore the six major factors which may help you decide if you are wasting precious time, hope, and energy in a dead relationship, or whether there’s a happier pulse which can be amplified.
Contact me by email at: [email protected] or simply call my office at: 603-431-7131 for information about pricing and availability.
I’ve had a number of psychotherapy sessions this week, mostly with couples about how critical it is to honor agreements made with eachother, and how the breaking of agreements erodes trust. The discussion generally led to the issue of promises made to oneself, and how that’s part of the whole deal. And I’m thinking, “of course, you can’t bail out on your partner or yourself! It breaks faith!”
Then I get home, it’s 10:00 P.M., and first thing I do is reneg on my promise to myself to not eat carbs late at night. Oh well, the world won’t come to an end if my butt is two inches bigger……
Then I check my emails and again notice the one about technical difficulties with my new website, requiring alot more alien, left-brained problem-solving, so my solution is to bag the whole mess, and maybe follow that fantasy of becoming a roadcrew signholder, and not have to think so much! Who ever needed a website anyway?
Oh, I forgot to mention the trademark fiasco, and my quick solution for that: I get some return calls from the U.S. Patent and Trademark Office telling me time’s almost up to produce all the goods and services I’ve filed a trademark for, otherwise it’s even more money for an extension. (hidden meaning: they took me SERIOUSLY, and expect me to make good on my promise!) What are they, crazy? My solution? Who needs a trademark anyway? Did anyone ever get killed because they lacked one?
So, gentle reader, if you’ve ever wanted to shoot yourself for breaking agreements to your partner or yourself, or even thinking about it, chances are your fancy therapist knows all too well how you feel.
Goodnight for now,
P.S. Maybe I’ll surprise you and actually have that website up as promised in July: www.HowToBeABetterCouple.com