Couplespeak™ Blog

Self Criticism: Silence It With the Ultimate Nuclear Weapon

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Many of us become our own worst enemies by putting ourselves down and focusing on our weaknesses or negative qualities. If you are prone to this, it’s important to know that a bit of self critical thinking can become motivation for positive change and growth, but when you go overboard with it, feeling worthless, incapable of effective action, etc., it prevents you from taking healthy risks because it robs you of confidence in your own capabilities. It raises anxiety and stress, and can lead to depression.

Most of us already know about the importance of learning to accept our mistakes as part of learning, and being kinder and softer to ourselves in general. We’ve also heard a lot about looking for solutions to problems instead of berating ourselves about them. But here is the ultimate nuclear weapon to blast away self criticism: The Howitzer Mantras.

Because self critical talking and behavior is driven by habit and reflex, its important to find words or phrases that are designed to hit the critic like a cannon blast. When you hear your internal critic saying nasty, derogatory things about yourself use a mantra that helps you feel angry and outraged, like “Screw you!,” “Stop this crap!” “Shut up!” “Get off my back!” Use the anger and indignation as a productive way to drown out the critic. Yell out loud if you can, but most importantly, mentally shout the mantras at the critic.

If using the mantras alone is insufficient, take a stronger measure by putting a rubber band around your wrist and snap it while subvocalizing your mantra. By doing this you’re emphasizing your stop commands and making thought interruption more likely. The sharp, stinging sensation breaks the chain of negative thoughts and acts as a punisher so that the critic is less likely to attack in the near future.

Try this method as a routine way to silence your damning critic and you’ll be amazed at the results!

BlogTalk Radio Episode: “What’s Your Conflict Style?” Wednesday 5/28/14 8:30 PM EST

In this 45 minutes episode, Susan Lager co-hosts with Meredith Richardson, a collaborative lawyer, mediator and conflict coach on the Southern New England coast. Hosting other events together, such as couples retreats, the two women bring their own spin to the issue of conflict in marriage as well as in friendships and in the workplace. Lager and Richardson explore the different conflict styles, and explore how each of us learns to manage conflict based on earlier experiences and adaptations to those environments.

  • Find out what triggers you and why, and how you manage it well or badly.
  • Take one of the recommended Conflict Quizes to find out more about your own conflict style
  • Get some ideas for avoiding the “same old fight'” with your partner! Get a head’s up on getting along better with your spouse, friends, and co-workers!

Call in toll-free 877-497-9046 at 8:30 EST to just listen in, or to join the conversation on the air with questions or comments. Don’t miss this one – it should be lively!

Re-rescheduled BlogTalk Radio Episode “Why Are You So Angry?” to Wed. 4/30 8:30 PM

Due to technical difficulties with the 3/26 BTR episode, and other technical problems on 4/16 (!), this episode has once AGAIN been rescheduled, so join us please on Wednesday, April 30th at 8:30 PM EST for an episode you won’t regret being diligent enough to attend. The “bugs” have been fixed, so the show will air.

In this 45 minute episode, I will co-host with Meredith Richardson, Esq., a collaborative lawyer and conflict coach in New Hampshire and Maine. Together we’ll explore anger, and how it plays out in healthy vs. unhealthy ways in relationships.

Tune in and get a better perspective on the markers of unhealthy anger. Learn some quick tips for calming things down when they might be escalating uncomfortably. (If you’ve been really ticked off about this second rescheduling, we understand, but may be able to help you manage your anger better!)

Call toll-free 877-497-9046 to join in live on the air with questions or comments.

Hope you can tune in!

Susan Lager

Rescheduled BlogTalk Radio Episode: “Why Are You So Angry?”

Due to technical difficulties with the 3/26/14 BlogTalk Radio episode, “Why Are You So Angry?,” I’ve rescheduled the show to Wednesday, April 16th at 8:30 PM.  If you tuned in and heard nothing, you’re in good company – my apologies for the BTR glitch. Please join Meredith Richardson and me again on the 16th for what I expect will be a terrific show about a vital topic. (If you’re in a rage about the show not being audible, you especially, may want to tune into the rescheduled show)…..  😕

Healthy vs. Unhealthy Anger BlogTalk Radio Show Tonight 8:30 PM EST

If you’ve been wondering if your partner or anyone significant to you has anger problems, then you’ll want to tune into this 45 minute BlogTalk Radio episode: “Why Are You So Angry?” at 8:30 PM EST. I’ll be co-hosting with Meredith Richardson, a collaborative lawyer and conflict coach, and together we’ll be talking about the signs, origins, and motivations for healthy vs. unhealthy anger. We’ll also share some professional tips about how to cool things down when they are getting too heated.

Call toll-free 877-497-9046 to listen to the live show, or to join us on the air with questions or comments. If you can’t make the live show, catch it streaming at your convenience by going to: http://bit.ly/1l3ZL0I

Either way, hope you can join us!

Susan Lager

Blog Talk Radio Host

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About
Susan Lager

I am a licensed, board certified pyschotherapist and relationship coach in Portsmouth, New Hampshire. Through my psychotherapy or coaching services, I can provide you with skills and tools to transform your life.

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