Couplespeak™ Blog

Knowing Your Life Verb

If you think about it, there’s probably a central defining action which punctuates your life. In my case, it’s “striving” – to develop more competency professionally, to achieve more balance, to play guitar better, to be a more compassionate person, to lose weight, etc. Definitely “striving.”

I have a close friend whose verb seems to be “coping” – with her husband’s stonewalling, her family problems, her depression. She’s always in “coping” mode, but doesn’t seem to move on to solving the problems. My “striving” mode has impatience at times with her “coping” status quo. She feels my “striving” mode makes me too hard on myself.

One of my sisters admits to chronically being in “surviving” mode – trying to stay afloat financially, professionally and emotionally. She feels that my “striving” mode at times takes me out of appreciation for all the blessings in my life, and she’s probably right. I don’t get why she doesn’t seem to do more to fulfill her dreams.

So, your verb can tell you a lot about how you’re doing your life, and perhaps shed some light on where you may be blind sighted, and limiting your experiences of joy and fulfillment.

What is your life verb?

Feel free to contact me to schedule a remote session to explore the current defining theme of your life, and what might need to happen to shift your verb to a more empowering one. I’ve identified a list of verbs you might not have considered on your own. You can reach me via my voicemail at 603-431-7131 or through the “Schedule an appointment” button on the right side of my website home page at

Accountability, Persistence, and the Exercise Nazi

Happy Friday, Reader!

I got a new stationery bike for Mother’s Day and I’m obsessed with it. My industrious son assembled it and had it waiting in our basement gym when I came home the other night. We’ve collected a giant room full of exercise equipment and gadgets my New York City sister says would rival any fitness club in Manhattan, only in ours you’re not jammed in with scores of cranky, sweaty people fighting over machines. The gym is my sanity, my sanctuary, where I refuel. When I’m being good, I don’t answer the phone or allow any interruptions, only the sweet sounds of the Food Network on the TV while I hit target heartrate on the treadmill, or head for the ceiling on the trampoline. But I think my new favorite will be the bike, which I’ve actually always hated before The Exercise Nazi came with it. Now, on this model you can insert a card in a slot and Jillian Michaels, the dominatrix from The Biggest Loser, yells at you to keep going, don’t give up!!! And she knows if you’re goofing off, getting too hung up with the recipes on TV, and losing your focus– she bumps up the speed or the resistance, and you can’t escape!! She and the machine document your every move, and keep you prisoner until you collapse at the end with a mixed sense of relief and pride in your own physical prowess. It’s not the same experience being all alone in the gym with nobody to care if I bag it after ten minutes. This way, I’m accountable, someone is The Witness, someone else cares! Don’t we all need a special relationship like that?

Susan Lager

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Susan Lager

I am a licensed, board certified pyschotherapist and relationship coach in Portsmouth, New Hampshire. Through my psychotherapy or coaching services, I can provide you with skills and tools to transform your life.

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