The Art of Doing Grey

I had a silly fight with my husband Thom tonight because he doesn’t “do grey”!

He recently got a new schedule at work, which gives him a long weekend, allowing more time for all kinds of fun, chores and projects. We’ve always  had an unstated agreement (maybe we don’t!), that the person not going into work will do dishes, make the bed, set up dinner, so the at-work person can come home to some order and calm, and something reasonable to eat. Basic thoughtfulness.

Because Thom doesn’t “do grey,” he gets all caught up in whatever he’s doing with a vengeance, and forgets to go to the bathroom, let the cat out, and unfortunately, forgets to do the dishes, make the bed, and prepare a measly meal. This time he even went to get some Vodka for himself, and was so excited to get back to his muddy lawn, he forgot to get me some wine. (I don’t drink much, but I enjoy a chilled white wine spritzer in the evenings.)

Thom lives in the Land of Black and White, where if you’re seeding the lawn or hauling rocks or planting tomatoes, there’s no room for extraneous, “grey” things, like meal prep, etc. It’s one thing or the other. So when I drove up, all tired and happy to see him after a long day’s work, up he comes from out of our woods, covered in dirt, yakking about his peppers, tomatoes, and grass. I go into the house which looks like a bomb hit it, dishes everywhere, no wine, no food, an unmade bed, and a totally unwelcoming scene. I’ll spare you the gory details. Suffice it to say, I felt unconsidered, unwelcomed. I was glad he’d had a lovely day, but will never understand why there’s no room for even half an hour of “grey”!

Do you too, live in the Land of Black and White, or do you too, do “grey”?


Susan Lager

PS. For more insights about how to live a mature life, with sufficient “grey”,

go to my “Products” page for articles galore.  :-D




About Susan Lager

ABOUT ME Susan Lager, LICSW, BCD I grew up in New Rochelle, a suburb of NYC, lived in Manhattan for ten years during college and graduate school, and escaped the madness for the wilds of Maine to be with Thom, the sweet man I'm still married to after 34 years. (We have an awesome 29 year old son named Alec who will run the free world someday). I knew I'd survive the relocation from New York when I discovered the scenic, historic little city of Portsmouth, on the coast of New Hampshire, with its winding streets, great restaurants, and music everywhere. I was especially thrilled to attend the Portsmouth Psychotherapy Institute, an offshoot of the B.I.P., where I did post-graduate training, and then went into private practice creating The Couples Center PLLC, doing psychotherapy, with individuals, couples and groups. In 2010 I opened a division of the practice called COUPLESPEAK™, providing live and online coaching, training programs, workshops, and written materials for people in different kinds of partnerships. I'm still passionate about the work, which is NEVER boring! My clients are courageous pioneers, and they've taught me lots I'll pass on......
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