Good Evening Reader,
When you get in your car and go on a trip, if you are female you know the importance of using a map if you hope to arrive at a decent place in good time. If you are a male, chances are you don’t ask for directions, but you rely on your “internal map” to get there. Either way, it’s a combination of a vision which provides some structure, and an organic unfolding– stopping to enjoy the sights, or spontaneously taking some unexpected turns. It’s the same way in intimate relationships– it helps to have an idea or vision for what you want to accomplish together, or how you want to grow, or how you want the “rules” of your partnership to change. If historically you’ve gotten into some predictable, bad scrapes with eachother, you need to have a kind of map directing you to other dynamics, fueled by negotiated ideas or pictures of where you want to end up. I’ve seen this unfold in my work with couples quite a bit this week, maybe because it’s Spring, and a time of new growth, or maybe because we’re all getting smarter about this relationship stuff.
One thing I know for sure is that partner visioning gives couples a destination, and when it’s done thoughtfully, couples establish “markers” of change which guide the way. Establishing a direction is usually a helpful thing, unless you’re blindly heading North on a Southbound road.
Hopefully moving forward,
P.S. Look for more on this topic, including exercises for implementing partner vision-work on my
soon-to-be-born website: HowToBeABetterCouple.com