Looking Through Fresh Eyes


 My husband Thom, and I had a great time yesterday “dubbing around” our house and land, fixing things, spiffing things up, and creating more order and beauty. It was very satisfying to get so many little projects completed! We then had such a feeling of accomplishment, that the next day we rewarded ourselves by boating on our favorite lake all day – just doing nothing.

The thing that sparked the frenzy of activity the first day was the act of looking through fresh eyes at our surroundings. I’ll often get great ideas watching HGTV, seeing all the different ways people arrange their homes and yards, especially as they proceed with remodeling or moving. The last few shows made me aware of the beauty and simplicity of hardwood floors, and how we’ve hidden ours with area rugs. So, looking through fresh eyes, I could see more open, spacious rooms without the carpets. Out went the carpets, and (excuse the pun), but we’re both floored by the difference! Sometimes things get stale and we don’t even notice it.

Why am I talking about carpets and floors? Because if you do the same thing with all your key relationships, and look at them through fresh eyes, you’re likely to see some things differently. You may notice how much reciprocity there really is; how much, and in what ways affection and respect are manifested. With a spouse, take a new look at how much intimacy you’re really creating, or how old, worn out agreements may still be operating. With parents, notice how the boundaries are honored. Think of this as a kind of refreshing of these connections. Ask yourself what a reasonable outsider might see, where there’s room for change, and how you too, looking through fresh eyes, might be able to reshape your relationships.


Susan Lager

P.S.  For articles filled with insights about how to transform your relationships, go to the “Products” page of this website.

About Susan Lager

ABOUT ME Susan Lager, LICSW, BCD I grew up in New Rochelle, a suburb of NYC, lived in Manhattan for ten years during college and graduate school, and escaped the madness for the wilds of Maine to be with Thom, the sweet man I'm still married to after 34 years. (We have an awesome 29 year old son named Alec who will run the free world someday). I knew I'd survive the relocation from New York when I discovered the scenic, historic little city of Portsmouth, on the coast of New Hampshire, with its winding streets, great restaurants, and music everywhere. I was especially thrilled to attend the Portsmouth Psychotherapy Institute, an offshoot of the B.I.P., where I did post-graduate training, and then went into private practice creating The Couples Center PLLC, doing psychotherapy, with individuals, couples and groups. In 2010 I opened a division of the practice called COUPLESPEAK™, providing live and online coaching, training programs, workshops, and written materials for people in different kinds of partnerships. I'm still passionate about the work, which is NEVER boring! My clients are courageous pioneers, and they've taught me lots I'll pass on......
This entry was posted in Openness, Perspective. Bookmark the permalink.