Communication In Relationships


We have a simple but wise saying in the psychotherapy world: “If it’s mentionable, it’s manageable!”It’s so true, especially in intimate partnerships. So often I see couples “sitting on” giant resentments, presumptions, hurts, misconceptions, and bewilderment that could probably be worked out if there’s a value  to each in the relationship. Haven’t most of us stayed silent at times, fearing the consequences, only to find out that the “bogeyman” was in our own head?
I have three wishes for my Relationship Genie:
1.  That partners would generally give each other more credit for having the potential for a reasonable response to each other’s concerns, and make presumptions of “good will”.
2.  That people would more often value their own experience, not discount it, and be willing to stand up for themselves by speaking up.
3.  That we’d all legitimize the fact of “alternate realities” around situations, be more curious about each other’s experience, (getting away from “right” or “wrong”), and practice the fine art of listening better.
(That’s sort of three and a half, but hey, the Genie has magical powers, so why stop at three?)Good night and good luck!
Susan Lager
PS.  For more of my thoughts and tools for communication, sign up for a series of Free Reports at the button on the right.

About Susan Lager

ABOUT ME Susan Lager, LICSW, BCD I grew up in New Rochelle, a suburb of NYC, lived in Manhattan for ten years during college and graduate school, and escaped the madness for the wilds of Maine to be with Thom, the sweet man I'm still married to after 34 years. (We have an awesome 29 year old son named Alec who will run the free world someday). I knew I'd survive the relocation from New York when I discovered the scenic, historic little city of Portsmouth, on the coast of New Hampshire, with its winding streets, great restaurants, and music everywhere. I was especially thrilled to attend the Portsmouth Psychotherapy Institute, an offshoot of the B.I.P., where I did post-graduate training, and then went into private practice creating The Couples Center PLLC, doing psychotherapy, with individuals, couples and groups. In 2010 I opened a division of the practice called COUPLESPEAK™, providing live and online coaching, training programs, workshops, and written materials for people in different kinds of partnerships. I'm still passionate about the work, which is NEVER boring! My clients are courageous pioneers, and they've taught me lots I'll pass on......
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