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How to Avoid Self-Sabotage This Holiday Season

 
How to Avoid Self Sabotage This Holiday Season
 
I was recently contacted by a fitness coach named Travis White who asked me to post this article on my site. I’m forwarding it to you because I think he gets to a lot of the important issues and behaviors around holiday health habits. See what you think.
You can find Travis at: [email protected]
 
Happy Holidays!
Susan
 
We often joke about overindulging during the holidays – setting back the scale 10 pounds and wearing pants with an elastic waist.  Psychology Today describes self-sabotage as behavior that “results from a misguided attempt to rescue ourselves from our own negative feelings.”  However, with understanding and good planning, the holidays can be an opportunity for self-care, health and happiness.
We hope these insights will help you set yourself up for success instead of sabotage this holiday season. 
 
  • Procrastinating
 
Do you bog yourself down with pointless, extraneous activities, creating delays instead of reaching a goal?  For people who do this, there is self-harm in the actions which exist in the space between deciding to do something and actually doing it.  Another version of procrastinating is to choose a “wait and see” attitude.  Some professionals recommend asking yourself what it is you are waiting for, and why?  Are you allowing others’ actions to determine whether you reach your goal, and why?
 
  • Unhealthy coping skills
 
Everyone can fall into the trap of choosing a coping mechanism that actually puts obstacles in their way.  Examples are things like self-medicating with drugs or alcohol, overspending when you are tight on money, or “comfort eating,” especially if you are overweight. 
 
  • Blocking your own path
 
Do you find yourself suddenly clumsier than usual?  Are you oversleeping when normally you rise with the sun?  Does your normally impeccable filter allow something inappropriate to slip out of your mouth and into the wrong ears?  Such behaviors can be evidence of self-sabotage.  As Huffington Post explains, “Because we like to think that we are completely in control of ourselves and are consciously making decisions, often it’s hard to recognize that these behaviors are driven by our unconscious mind.”
 
  • Healthy choices
 
If you see yourself in any of those descriptions, here are some tips to set yourself up for success and avoiding self-sabotage:
  • Take a moment.  Take time for mindful meditation.  Slow down, savor the moment, breathe deeply, and be fully aware of your state of being.
  • Journal.  Writing about what you are experiencing can produce tremendous insights.  It also offers you an opportunity to look back through your notes to discover patterns. Do you struggle at the same time every year?  Is there a trigger you can identify?
  • Volunteer.  The holiday season offers plenty of opportunities to do something for others, and it’ll boost your mood. 
  • Exercise.  Many of us fall short on maintaining a workout routine throughout the year, and this is especially true during the holidays.  This year can be different!
  • Move.  Don’t sit for extended periods of time.  Make a mental note to get up every half hour to hour, even if only for five minutes.  Commercial breaks during football games or your favorite holiday movies are a great opportunity to do a few squats or stroll around the house.
  • Plan.  US News and World Report notes that starting every day with a plan can help you stay on track.  Have an agenda in place for what you will eat and when you will exercise; even if you deviate, you will probably do better than without a set goal. 
  • Be flexible.  If you go into the holidays with an all-or-nothing mindset, the first bump you hit can derail you.  Instead, remain flexible and be creative in meeting your goals.  Maybe the whole family can take a brisk walk through the neighborhood before the trip to Grandma’s, or open the new year by throwing a ball around the yard.  Take opportunities for time together and fun! 
  • Convenience is key.  Don’t make being healthy an added stress.  Instead, consider the convenience and low-cost of setting up a home gym.  A few well-chosen pieces of equipment can put you on the path to fitness. 
 
Success, not sabotage
 
Do some soul searching to discover how you might be inhibiting your own self-care.  If you realize you are setting yourself up for sabotage, take steps toward success by making healthier choices.
 

“Cheap Forgiveness” Podcast Wednesday, 11/8/17 8:30 PM EST

In this 15 minute episode I’ll share my insights and experiences with the issue of cheap forgiveness – what it is, and how and when it may be adaptive as the best possible “solution” to emotional injury, vs. what the costs may be to the person bestowing it and to the relationship. I’ll give a mini “life lesson” on the larger issue of forgiveness and what the options may be when an offender isn’t repentant or available to a process of true repair around an emotional injury.

To join the episode live call 877-497-9046 to come on the air with your questions, comments or story.  If you can’t make the live podcast you can listen to the recording afterward anytime at: www.BlogTalkRadio.com/SusanLager  

However you tune in, don’t miss this important episode!

I’ve Been Certified in Discernment Counseling!

It’s been a long haul getting here – months and months of training, lots of cases, loads of reading, and plenty of constructive feedback from the experts at The Doherty Relationship Institute, but now I am officially certified as a Discernment Counselor!                                                                 (And, as far as I know, I’m also the only clinician in New Hampshire trained to do this delicate, important work).

For those of you who aren’t familiar with this type of treatment Discernment Counseling is a form of brief treatment specially designed for couples on the brink of divorce. These couples come into the work with “mixed agendas” – one spouse more hopeful about staying married, ready to do the work of repair, and the other spouse “leaning out,” not very hopeful, often feeling a high degree of ambivalence about moving forward together, and frequently feeling out of energy for “trying” anymore.

Discernment Counseling is a brief intervention for these couples, (one to five sessions only), with the goal of helping these spouses make a clear, confident decision about a direction for the relationship – either stay in the marriage as it is, move toward a divorce, or do the work of reconciliation and repair for a period of up to six months to get a sense of possibilities for the marriage.  Couples who participate in this process avoid the financial and time waste of engaging in a half-hearted couples therapy, which often happens when one spouse hasn’t yet decided if they “want to try.”

So, if you feel that this form of treatment may be suitable for you, go to the Discernment Counseling page of my website,  http://susanlager.com/discernment-counseling/‎,                                                           check it out, and call me at 603-431-7131 if you’d like to schedule a session.

Don’t miss my next BlogTalk Radio show Wed. 8/24 8:00 PM: “3 Key Signs of Unfairness in Relationships and How to Fix Them”

Don’t miss my next BlogTalk Radio episode on Thursday, August 24th at 8:00 PM EST. It will be 20 minutes of discussion about the signs of unfairness in relationships, and how to remedy the situation.
Tune in live at 877-497-9046 to join me on the air with your questions or comments.

Don’t miss this 20 minute information-packed episode, especially if you’ve been accused of behaving unfairly, or if you’re on the receiving end of unfair treatment and don’t know how to handle it.

If you can’t make the live episode you can hear the recording at: www.BlogTalkRadio.com/SusanLager

 

“5 Communication Pitfalls and How to Avoid Them” podcast 7/19/17 8:30 PM EST

In this 20 to 30 minute episode I’ll share my experiences as a psychotherapist witnessing common communication blunders clients often make. Whether you’re trying to communicate with a spouse, partner, friend or family member there are predictable and avoidable pitfalls you need to know about! You’ll learn about simple techniques to avoid these communication problems, be clearer about your message, and be heard and understood in a way which greatly improves relationships. Using my popular book “I’m Talking! Are You Listening?” as a guide, I will empower listeners to communicate with almost anyone more effectively about anything.

Call 877-497-9046 to join the live conversation with questions or comments. If you can’t make the live episode tune into www.BlogTalkRadio.com/SusanLager to listen to the recording anytime afterward.

 

“Avoid the 3 Mistakes Many Women Make that Repel Love” BlogTalk Radio show Wed., 6/14/17 noon

Tune into this 30-40 minute episode I’ll be co-hosting with a unique relationship mentor, Valerie Greene, who helps couples to stop fighting and fall in love again, and who helps women inspire their husbands or partners into deeper love and intimacy, not relational dread. Providing a highly successful alternative to relationship therapy, Valerie helps women and couples move beyond problem-solving and communication skills to create a secure emotional CONNECTION.

Tune into this special episode to learn more from Valerie about how to transform relationship conflict into deeper intimacy, avoiding the relational moves that repel love.  Join us live with your questions or comments by calling into the studio at: 877-497-9046. If you can’t make the live show simply go to: www.BlogTalkRadio.com/SusanLager to hear the recording afterward.

“5 Foolproof Ways to Ruin Your Holidays” on BlogTalk Radio 12/14/16 8:30 PM EST

Don’t miss my next 25 minute BlogTalk Radio episode on Wednesday, December 14th at 8:30 PM EST

If you’ve been telling yourself a story about all the stresses, expenses, difficult relatives, ridiculous gifts, cards to send, the hassles of putting up and decorating the tree, Chanukah forgotten, cleaning the house, making flights on time, too much eating and drinking, getting too fat, cleaning up the house, no time for anything, then this episode is for you!

I’ll give you 5 sure methods to make all the negative spin come true, individually, and as a couple. Enough chirpy info about how to do better! Let’s look at how you can SABOTAGE any fun, joy or meaning!

Tune into www.BlogTalkRadio.com/SusanLager for live streaming, or for the recorded episode afterward, OR to join me live on the air with your own Grinch stories or ideas call into the studio at: 877-497-9046  I’d love to make it a conversation!

OMG! I have Election Stress Disorder!

Just when I thought all the years of therapy had finally done their magic, and that I’d be free at last, I discover that my fatigue, nail biting,  cynicism, and catastrophic thoughts about the future aren’t related to my crazy family upbringing, but about NOW, 2016 with this psycho election! The fact that I’m glued to the TV set, watching the pundits fight about whose crimes are worse, who’s a wuss, who’s really a psychothopathic liar, who’s fingers should be on the nuclear codes, is not because I’m a glutton for punishment, but all manifestations of my new diagnosis: Election Stress Disorder! AND, to make matters worse, I am apparently in good company with half the planet!

As a psychotherapist always keyed into actionable, positive change attitudes and behaviors, this one really stumps me. How do we all feel more hopeful and impactful when every day new dirt gets dug up on our candidates of “choice,” with Russia and Wikileaks playing their hand in events as well? This is a paranoid’s wet dream! One candidate is clearly a Neanderthal, the other cast as a disingenuous double talker. And, speaking of double talk, no one ever answers a question directly anymore, but on both sides they all pivot constantly, meaning deflect, avoid, spin! I pity the poor journalists who have to listen to this day in and day out without losing their cool!

Maybe the only hope for all of us with ESD is to remember that nothing lasts forever, that most truths come out in the wash eventually, that Election Day is less than a month away, and that until then, we all can put our fingers on the “Off” button when we’ve had enough. (Now, gotta go watch the final debate….)

“Marital Peace After An Affair” – BlogTalk Radio Show Wed. 7/27/16 8:30 PM EDT

Hardcover-Book-MockUp (2)

 

In this thirty minute episode I’ll co-host with Dr. Laura Louis, author of the popular book, “Marital Peace,” which is a valuable resource for supporting couples throughout the challenges of marriage.

Dr. Louis has specialized in helping distant couples heal after infidelity, and in the program discusses some of the ways she recommends rebuilding trust, rekindling intimacy and enhancing communication. Her therapeutic approach has been influenced through trainings in Brazil, Mexico, London and Haiti, as well as hundreds of transformative seminars all over the world.

Don’t miss this vital program if you and your spouse have endured or feel at risk for an affair! Learn some key tools to not only help avoid infidelity, but to restore trust, build forgiveness, and promote growth after an affair. You too can achieve marital peace after this traumatic development.

Call in live with questions or comments at 877-497-9046.

If you can’t make the live show you can listen to the podcast afterward at: www.BlogTalkRadio.com/SusanLager

One way or another, I hope you can join us!

“How Curiosity Can Save Your Marriage” BlogTalk Radio show Wed. 6/8/ 8:30 PM

Don’t miss this 30 minute episode where I’ll be sharing tips from my book “Become Relationship Smart Without a Lifetime of Therapy” about the key role of curiosity as a connector in all meaningful relationships, especially in marriage. For people not familiar with this concept, I’ll reveal some key conversation openers demonstrating curiosity and interest in a partner, facilitating empathy, sharing and feeling “seen,” a shot in the arm especially for marriages suffering from boredom or disconnection.

To join the live conversation with questions or comments call toll-free 877-497-9046 at 8:30 PM EST. If you can’t make the live show you can listen to the recording afterward at: www.BlogTalkRadio.com/SusanLager

One way or another I hope you can join me!

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Susan Lager

I am a licensed, board certified pyschotherapist and relationship coach in Portsmouth, New Hampshire. Through my psychotherapy or coaching services, I can provide you with skills and tools to transform your life.

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