Back To School (Of Relationships) Part 3

Hello Reader,

It’s August 24th, and about two weeks away from the end of this glorious summer. (!)   This means that the first task is to let go without being morose, and feeling sorry for yourself about all the endings. You’ll be able to do this with more finesse if:
1.  You visualize your summer experiences as precious nuggets of memory in a treasure chest you can open at any point to enjoy alone or together with your partner. All is not lost.
2.  You think about the things you never got around to doing, and resolve to get to them next summer      through an ACTION plan.
3.  You “reframe” the Fall as the Time for New Starts, (remembering that resolution you made to address the one or two problems in your relationship you would begin to deal with.)  Hopefully by now you’ve gotten curious about your role in the problem(s), as well as your role in the solution(s).  If you’re clueless, use your short-term memory to pull up an image of your partner complaining about something you’ve done or not done. Now imagine a miracle has happened and this is no longer a problem in the relationship.  What do you see yourself doing differently, and what are the markers of change which tell you this miracle has happened? Those behavioral “flags”are your map toward working on your end of the changes. Do one thing differently, then look for the “feedback loops” (acknowledgment of impact from your partner).
School is in session!  Now go to “recess” for a little break before you tire of all this positive action…..

Happy Trails,

Susan Lager
P.S.  Check out my latest published article about the Couplespeak
Marriage Fitness Test at:

About Susan Lager

ABOUT ME Susan Lager, LICSW, BCD I grew up in New Rochelle, a suburb of NYC, lived in Manhattan for ten years during college and graduate school, and escaped the madness for the wilds of Maine to be with Thom, the sweet man I'm still married to after 34 years. (We have an awesome 29 year old son named Alec who will run the free world someday). I knew I'd survive the relocation from New York when I discovered the scenic, historic little city of Portsmouth, on the coast of New Hampshire, with its winding streets, great restaurants, and music everywhere. I was especially thrilled to attend the Portsmouth Psychotherapy Institute, an offshoot of the B.I.P., where I did post-graduate training, and then went into private practice creating The Couples Center PLLC, doing psychotherapy, with individuals, couples and groups. In 2010 I opened a division of the practice called COUPLESPEAK™, providing live and online coaching, training programs, workshops, and written materials for people in different kinds of partnerships. I'm still passionate about the work, which is NEVER boring! My clients are courageous pioneers, and they've taught me lots I'll pass on......
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